Not The Third Annual Fonnies
by King in Yellow
Summary: Not to be confused with the Fannie Awards. When Zaratan went missing some Kim Possible fanfiction writers went into withdrawal, needing an awards fix. A handful of writers have pledged to meet the need.
1. First Class Tickets on the Titanic

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Not that is matters in this particular case, but in legal terminology that is known as covering one's posterior. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners.

**Chapter 1 - First Class Tickets on the Titanic**

In retrospect it had been too quiet for too long in the Kim Possible Fanfiction Writers Guild and Quilting Society. Zaratan's disappearance, shortly before the Fannies were due to be posted, had started ugly rumors he had cleaned out the till and headed north for parts unknown. The rumors escalated into plans for an invasion until saner heads pointed out there had been no money in the till to begin with, and anyone living in Canada would flee south.

Plot bunnies bred in the silence. Plot bunnies in all shapes and sizes: small smuffy bunnies with Kim/Ron scenes, odd looking bunnies with crossovers between KP and Rawhide or Fibber McGee and Molly, depressing blood-stained bunnies which begin with alligators devouring the entire cast and then going downhill from there.

Several writers succumbed to the bunnies. Others went quietly mad, although it was not always easy to tell. One man feverishly worked on a cure for the missing Zaratan doldrums, unsure if he had discovered an antidote or had himself surrendered to the insanity.

"An alternative award ceremony to hold us over until we get our annual Fannie fix is what we need," he told himself. (The fact he was talking to himself should have been a tipoff that the mind was starting to go.) "We need a place to hold it, and volunteers to produce it. Maybe this can be like one of those great Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland musicals where 'Hey Kids! Lets put on a show!' results in a spectacular production." Then reality reared its ugly presence like a severed Barbie™ head in a jar of marshmallow fluff, how many Kim Possible writers even knew the 1939 film Babes in Arms?

But first, a PM to Cpneb to get his opinion of the idea.

"Well?"

"I've got StarvingLunatic on the other line. She and I think you should go ahead with it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, could be a few laughs."

"Okay, I'll start working on logistics."

As he hung up the phone Cpneb wondered if he should have mentioned that Zaratan had just announced he was shooting to post the Fannies that same weekend.

The first hurdle didn't take long to overcome.

KiY ducked under the yellow tape which read, "Caution Asbestos Danger," over the door and entered the old theatre. The rental price was right, free, if he could find some other volunteers to clean the place out for the ceremony. He threw the light switch, but no lights came on. Then he remembered, electricity had been cut off to the building for two decades. The power company had promised to restore power for a day, on March 29th, if the Kimmunity agreed to go ahead with the Fonnies. He wondered why the building's owner had referred to him and any potential volunteers as, "Youse and da other mine canaries."

Fortunately the walls of the old theatre glowed faintly, probably the result of being a half mile down wind from the nuclear power station, enabling him to look over the premises. The dust lay thick throughout the building, _"Note to self, purchase some dust masks for anyone who wants to work on this."_

Up in the old projectionist's booth he found a roll of red carpet. Unfortunately it appeared the moths had found it first. But award ceremonies don't depend on red carpets; they depend on the spirit and joy of the participants to make them come alive. _"Another note to self, we're all dead. Who suggested this?"_

Still, the grand old theater had hundreds of seats for the people who might come to the Fonnies; and perhaps twenty of them could be used in safety for the people who would actually come.

From the vantage in the projectionist's booth he looked out over the rows of mildewed seats and drew a deep breath before making a profound statement. Actually, he drew a deep breath before going into a sneezing spasm, _"Darn dust."_ With his nose back under control he wondered aloud, "If we hold it, will they come?"

* * *

**Author's Note** Rules for the Fonnies are posted at the Kim Possible Discussion Forum.


	2. Other Than That, How Was the Play?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from the Kim Possible series.

**Chapter 2 - "Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"**

KiY remembered the dust masks as volunteers started to arrive to clean out the theatre. He had hoped that a lack of volunteers would keep the project from moving forward.

Cpneb, whose encouragement set the wheels in motion, arrived next. Ran Hakubi, The Real Sidekick, and Mike Industries arrived within minutes of each other.

"Did I hear a Noob volunteered?" MI asked.

"Yep, Thomas Linquist, another Canuck," Ran informed him.

"Weren't they the ones who started the problem?," TRS wanted to know.

"A little respect here," Cpneb warned. "Don't scare him off until the cleaning's done. Hey, KiY, I heard Allaine volunteered."

"Yeah, but won't help with the cleanup, something about a wedding or some other lame excuse."

"Wedding? A fanfiction writer getting married?" Ran asked.

"Some of us are married," 'Neb pointed out.

"Yeah, but you were married before you started writing fanfiction. Who marries someone who writes this stuff?"

Whitem arrived a little after Thomas Linquist. "I hear lxk won't show up for cleaning the theater--"

"Theatre." KiY corrected him.

"Will you knock off the spelling affectation," 'Neb requested.

"I rather like it," TL offered, "makes me feel at home."

"Great, a Canuck and an Anglophile," TRS grumbled.

"Anyway," Whitem spoke up, trying to steer the conversation back on track, "he said it was too far to come from Sweden for both cleanup and the awards ceremony."

KiY began handing out cleaning supplies when Captainkodak1 jogged around the corner of the theatre, "Am I too late?"

"No! We can use all the help we can get," Ran called.

"You got the PMs saying you needed to bring flashlights, right?" KiY asked. Everyone nodded and displayed a flashlight. He pulled out a key and unlocked the door.

"God help us," The Real Sidekick intoned as he looked around the large lobby, "We're going to get this clean in time?"

"Doesn't have to be perfect," Whitem reminded him. "It's not like this is the Fannies or anything."

'Neb found a tall chair where the ticket taker used to preside over those waiting in the lobby and sat down, "I'll offer moral support and management from here."

"You aren't going to work?" CaptainK asked.

"Managing is work," 'Neb pointed out. "And based on KiY's last story he needs moral support."

MI located the janitor's closet and, after considerable pounding, managed to turn on the tap. A viscous sludge, as orange as Kim's hair, oozed from the faucet. "I think we got a little rust problem with the water," he called.

"Leave it running, it'll clear up eventually." TRS advised.

"Fortunately this is BYOB, we don't need to drink the stuff," CaptainK sighed in relief.

Ran mentioned, "I've asked Captain IT to bring in some kegs of Canadian beer. We'd better make sure the toilets flush."

"Do we need to clean both restrooms?"

"Well, no woman have said she'd attend, but it might be a nice gesture in case one shows up."

That suggestion encouraged Whitem to fulfill a lifelong dream and he pushed open the door to the woman's restroom. A huge spider, the size of a dachshund scurried away.

CaptainK rebuked KiY, "I thought you were done with the wiener dog jokes after your last story!"

"It's not my fault! This place is close to a nuclear plant and we were warned about possibly mutated life forms."

"What do mean _we_ were warned," Ran demanded. "I didn't sign up for giant spiders."

TL suggested, "Working in pairs might be a good idea under the circumstances."

"Think we can get the popcorn machine working on Saturday?" MI asked, poking around behind the old concession stand in the middle of the lobby.

"Clean first, popcorn machine later," 'Neb directed, setting the work in motion.

Other than CaptainK falling through a section of the stage, "We'll rope that area off," KiY suggested; Ran and Whitem having to fight off three of the spiders; a creature with red, glowing eyes which hid in the shadows and whispered promises of obscene pleasures to TL and The Real Sidekick, at the cost of their souls; a mutated rat eating some of the cleaning supplies; and Cpneb insisting he heard something dragging a chain and moaning in the balcony the work went quickly.

The orange substance which came from the pipes had even started to flow in a manner which suggested water when 'Neb called Thomas Linquist over, "You need to find a hardware store and buy a left-handed monkey wrench so we can loosen the snipe valve and flush the water system before the awards."

"Should I do that now?"

"Yep, let's get that fixed as soon as we can. The cleaning is going great, you deserve a break."

KiY listened to the exchange, but didn't say anything until TL had left, "I'm disappointed in you," he told 'Neb. "Sending a Noob on a fool's errand? That seemed really OC for you."

"Well, you should know," 'Neb grunted.

"And just what do you mean by that?" KiY demanded.

"Just that no one will believe I'd say a thing like that."

"Of course you did, look back seven paragraphs. You say it right there."

"Readers aren't that stupid. They know your name is on the chapter."

"If readers are all that bright why are they reading this instead of Jane Austen?"

"Anglophile!"

"Texan!"

An idea hit 'Neb, "Do you know what you've just done to yourself?"

"Uh, no. What do you mean?"

"I can swear, I let out a string of cuss words that will make the little remaining hair you have fall out, and you'll get the blame."

"But you--"

"It's your story. You get the credit - and the blame. I'll bet I can say something nasty enough the censors will pull all your stories."

Beneath the dirt from cleaning KiY paled, "You wouldn't, you're too nice a guy."

"Don't try me," 'Neb warned.

"Okay, I'll be nice. Do you want me to make you tall and blond?"

"That was inappropriate," 'Nneb told him, and then he grinned evilly. "You can go start cleaning toilets, you 'shipper, or I'll make sure that the excrement hits the rotary oscillating blades for you on this site and SlashHaven: I'll tell them that you're really a closet K/R shipper."

KiY was still back in the bathrooms as the others finished and headed to the lobby. They were chatting with 'Neb when Thomas Linquist reappeared, his arms full.

Whitem and Ran opened the door for him. He came in, set a small crate down, and laid a plastic bag with a hardware store logo down on top of it.

"Where were you?" MI asked.

TL pointed to the bag, "Cpneb said I needed to get a left handed monkey wrench."

CaptainK gave 'Neb a look of reproach, "We're going to have to scold KiY, aren't we?"

"Afraid so," 'Neb agreed, "this is getting way out of hand. So, Thomas, what's in the crate?"

"Well, the hardware store sold me a left-handed monkey wrench without any trouble… But do you have any idea how hard it is to find a left-handed monkey?"


	3. Okay Kids, Let's Put on a Show

I received only a handful of entrance descriptions and/or how people were dressed, almost no drinks of choice, and a single response to a random question beside my own. So I pretty much chopped the entrance scene. We all knew from the start this wasn't the Fannies.

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 3 - "Okay, Kids, Let's Put on a Show!"**

KiY looked at the clock and cursed his insomnia. Experience taught him that he wouldn't get back to sleep so he crawled out of bed to get dressed for his trip to the Fonnies. The theater still wasn't spotless, so he didn't want to risk getting a clean pair of jeans dirty. He sniffed the back of the pair he wore yesterday, "Close enough," he told himself. He pulled on the t-shirt with the saying attributed to Stalin he had planned to wear to a White House tour, "Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything." Somehow the quote seemed _apropos_ for the day he expected.

The street was almost deserted; it's hard to maintain tourism after the EPA identifies your town as a toxic waste site.

He was surprised to find several cars already in the lot behind and to the side when he got there. _ "Who wanted to get here early?"_ he wondered. There were already more people standing under the marquee than he imagined would have been there.

"Hey, we though you were never going to get here," Ran Hakubi complained.

"Who's that?" Kwebs whispered.

'It's KiY. He should have the key."

"That's KiY? I thought he'd have more hair."

"Okay, why are you people here already, the show doesn't start for another couple hours?" KiY asked.

"Bored," one answered.

"Nothing else to do while waiting for the Fannies."

"Hey, I figured if I was here before the random questions from Ran I wouldn't have to answer one."

KiY shrugged, "Well, as long as you're here, anyone want to help me carry a few things in?"

Most people nodded to show their willingness to help. He unlocked the door and crossed his fingers that the lights would actually come on when the switch was thrown.

"Okay, just a couple warnings before we go in. The giant rats appear relatively harmless, apparently they've mutated to where they eat inorganic material. But I wouldn't leave a cell phone lying around. We think the spiders are mostly in the exit ways on either side of the stage so--"

"Why do we need to worry about spiders?" Kwebs demanded.

"These weigh about forty pounds, with a leg span of around five feet," CaptainKodak answered.

"Oh, well, that explains it."

"Anyway, avoid the exits unless you've got someone to watch your back. Thomas Linquist and The Real Sidekick claim they encountered a succubus while they were cleaning. This is out of the normal range of succubi, but they couldn't think of anything else which would proposition fanfiction writers. So if anything makes you an offer, just say no."

"What about the balcony?" Cpneb suggested.

"What about it?"

'Neb addressed the writers, "Well, we never did figure out what I heard up there for certain. If you plan on writing a horror story in the near future you might pick up some ideas up there."

"Why are JA and KT in HazMat suits?" Pharaoh Rutin Tutin wanted to know.

"Radiation levels are a little high," Thomas Lingquist admitted, "but if we're out of here in less than six hours it isn't any worse than being staked out on the beach under the sun for two continuous weeks of high noon."

Some of the writers came in, took a whiff of the musty lobby and headed back outside to wait for the start of the ceremony. Others helped bring in materials for the program.

"Where does this box go?" Campy asked as he pulled it from KiY's trunk.

"Put it on the concession stand."

"How about this one?" CaptainKodak asked.

"Concession stand too."

TRS looked puzzled, "Isn't there some kind of sound system?"

Ran spoke up, "Captain IT said we could borrow his. He's supposed to be bringing beer."

Cpneb stood the life-sized cardboard cutout up outside the theater door. "I'll move it in when we're ready to start… I don't think this is really Zaratan."

"Well, no. I couldn't get a full body picture of him, and those cost money. This was a cardboard cutout of Eliot Spitzer," KiY admitted. "Photographers had them in Albany so tourists could get their pictures taken with the governor. They're giving them away now. So I blew up the picture of Zaratan's head from his avatar and pasted it on."

"I thought he looked slimmer than I expected," Mace Ecam commented.

"And I doubt if he owns a suit that nice," PRT added.

KiY pulled off a Post-it Note and read, "Did you remember to lock your car doors?" He looked over and shrugged. "Actually, no. I figure a ninety-six Camry with bald tires is pretty safe. I'd rather someone opened the door and saw there was nothing of value rather than breaking a window to find out."

One man, standing slightly to the side, demanded, "Can you tell me why I'm here?"

"Who are you?" A Markov asked.

"MrDrP." At the name several of the people standing around genuflected. MrDrP sighed, "That's why I try and avoid public appearances."

"Uh, you entered into the discussion in the Fonnie thread," KiY reminded him. "Even nominated yourself for an award. That sort of makes you fair game."

"Fine, just don't do anything stupid with me - or I may need a beating victim in some future story."

"Um, Mace? You want to try and organize any snacks at the concession stand?"

"Sure."

"Hey," Mike Industries added, "I want to see if I can get the popcorn machine working. Let me help."

JA helped KiY hang a banner reading "Hostess Snacks are Good" while KT arranged the fruit pies.

"Why are we giving them the advertising," JA apparently asked. It was a little difficult to hear him through the HazMat suit.

"Corporate sponsorship," KiY explained. "There's an outlet for things past their due date by me. They offered a case of the fruit pies for free if we put up the banner."

"There are a lot of fruit pies," KT said.

"Well, after the NUTS said--"

"NUTS?"

"Nutrition Undergirds Triumph Society. Better living through better eating. They claimed the Hostess fruit pies were worse for you than eating a pound of arsenic and jumping off a ten-story building. Any way, sales are down."

"That's silly," KT pointed out, reading the nutritional information on the side, "These all have fruit in the top ten ingredients."

Stragglers continued to arrive as last minute preparations were made.

"Sorry to be late," a stranger apologized.

"Not problem, who are you?" Whitem asked.

"Lxk."

"Oh, Björn Borg!"

"Excuse me?"

"Isn't that Swedish for hello?

"No, it's--"

"'Cause the only other Swedish word I know is Abba, the word for disco."

"I love the meatballs," The Real Sidekick, who was standing nearby, added.

Lxk wondered why he volunteered for the show.

There was a small commotion as an unhappy Captain IT parked in front of the theater. "This wasn't the entrance I wanted," he grumbled.

"Then you should have written it yourself," KiY retorted.

"I sent it to you!"

"You sent me a sketch for a scene! It would have taken two full chapters to write!"

"So, what's the problem?"

"I have other work to do!"

"Would it have been that hard?"

"It was impossible!" KiY insisted.

"Now, KiY," Cpneb chided, "Impossible? For a Kim Possible fanfiction writer?"

"He had himself arriving with Shego, Monique, Kim and the entire cheerleading squad!"

"I'm a musician, I can handle adulation!"

Cpneb looked skeptical, "I think I'm agreeing with KiY."

"Look, I told you before, Zaratan has an exclusive contract with the Kim Possible characters. The Fannies is the only awards show they're licensed to appear at."

"Like the Fannies will really happen today. Besides, I thought fanfiction writers didn't worry about corporate lawyers."

"That's why we post the disclaimer at the start of every chapter," 'Neb reminded him.

"Well, it's not what I wanted," Captain IT complained.

"Yeah, but if you brought the beer you'll still be outrageously popular."

"I guess I can live with that."

The Real Sidekick had wandered over, "And did you bring a sound system?"

"Yeah, it's in the back of the truck too."

Volunteers were unloading the kegs as a shadow fell over the crowd.

"What's that?" Thomas asked.

"I don't believe it," A Markov said in awe.

"Well, we've got ourselves an original character in attendance anyway," CaptainKodak observed.

The old barber shop to the east of theater crumbled as the space ship slowly landed on it."

"Why did you do that?" Allaine demanded.

"You told me to land as near to the theater as possible," the mechanical voice answered.

"I meant in the closest open spot!"

"Then you should have said in the closest open spot. The fact I possess much more intelligence than you does not give me the power to read minds."

Campy ran over, "Can I re-park your spacecraft?" he asked, a bit too eagerly.

"Sorry, she's a presenter," Allaine replied. He adjusted his bow tie. It was quite possibly his first bow tie. It was definitely his first black tux. It would not be his last. It was rented. It looked rented.

"I don't see how I'm going to fit my hull through the door," Sappho volunteered. "And you said vertical stripes were slimming!"

Allaine sighed. "Well, maybe you could hover over the theater and use your probe for the presentation."

" …You're paying the gas bill."

He stepped out, and stared at the casually dressed crowd, and wondered if he had confused the suggested apparel with the Fannies award. Ah well, at least he was dressed for this evening if the Fannies really happened.

KiY hurried over, "Sorry, I don't genuflect… You're a little, uh, overdressed…"

"I'm practicing for my wedding."

"Oh, that's right, congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Does you fiancé know you write fanfiction about lesbians?"

"Does your wife?"

"Yeah, I figured it was best if she heard if from me."

"How did she take it," Allaine asked.

"She though it was pretty funny."

"Say, Sappho will be presenting with me. Is there a good way to get a probe in the theater?"

"She doesn't have blood, right?"

Allaine looked at him curiously, "Of course not."

"Then she can run it through that exit right there," KiY pointed to a door just behind the spacecraft.

The two walked to the theater door. Allaine eyed the cutout of Zaratan with growing suspicion as to the quality of this awards show, gingerly he removed one of the Post-its.

"Shed some light on why King in Yellow isn't really a king?" it read.

Allaine paused for a few seconds, "Isn't it obvious? Has no one ever seen him wolf down those peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches?"

"You and I were the only two who answered those things," KiY told him.

"I think I see why."

Several writers worked on setting up the sound system. Beer kegs were tapped, and those who had brought soda shared with those who forgot the ceremony was BYOB. MI even managed to get bring the popcorn machine back to life and found an unopened drum of coconut oil behind the concession stand.

"I wonder if it's still any good?" he asked Mace.

"Probably. I don't think it ever goes bad. Make a batch with it, I'll see how it tastes."

With the lights on in the theater it was impossible to notice that the coconut oil now glowed.

Cpneb found KiY, "I wanted to apologize, ah, for the chapter being late. Real life and all that."

"Rush job for everyone. At least it looks like yours doesn't need a lot of editing. I've got two or three that I may have to run without enough editing. They proof-read like my students."

"But you'll post?"

"Plan to, with Z claiming the Fannies start tonight we need this out of the way so people can head for the real show."


	4. Sympathy for the Devil

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Chapter by Thomas Linquist with edits by KiY

**Chapter 4 - Sympathy for the Devil**

"You want to act as Emcee?" KiY whispered to Cpneb.

"It's your show."

"You were the one who told me to go ahead with the idea."

"But it was your idea."

"You could have told me Z had said he hoped to post this weekend."

"I thought you were capable of reading his post for yourself." 'Neb said coolly, "And everyone is expecting someone to get up there and make an introduction."

"You think you're all that, but--"

"Move it," 'Neb barked.

KiY carried the cardboard cut out of Zaratan on stage, carefully skirting the hole CaptainKodak had fallen through, and set it up in front of the curtain. He addressed the crowd, "Our first presenter needs all the introduction he can get. He's a Noob and a Canadian, and I'm not sure what the category is he proposed, but I hope it has Shego in it. Any category with Shego in it is okay with me.  
"He's posted six stories already this year, Thomas Linquist with Best Sympathetic Use of a Bad Guy."

KiY remained on the stage as Thomas came forward to polite applause.

Thomas was dressed in his usual writer's uniform of black slacks, white golf shirt, and in concession to the cool theatre, an extremely large black sweater. The sweater billowed out like a cape behind the short, plump figure. His glasses were sliding down his nose, and he pushed them back. The ever-present clipboard was tucked under one arm, with the envelope of nominees at the top. His cane made a light tapping noise as he tested the boards of the stage. He'd been assured that it would hold his wait, but...

"By the way," KiY commented as they shook hands, "if you had your settings to allow anonymous reviews I'd have left one for _A Week in the Pocket_ while I was at work the other day."

"Don't you get nut cases leaving reviews if you do that?"

"I'd have left one."

"That's what I asked."

KiY had not used the microphone, but Thomas felt a little nervous and went with it. "Uh, glad you could be here. There are more of you than I expected. Maybe next time KiY should--"

"Won't be a next time!" someone shouted.

"--Maybe he'll rent a conference room at the Best Western across town. At least nobody had fallen out of a broken seat, yet. There was still some question about the state of the plumbing in the women's rest room."

"YD WURRQZ!" came from KT inside her HazMat suit. Everyone assumed she was trying to say, "It works."

"I would like to take a moment to thank the people who brought me here, and I'm not referring to Midwest Air. They didn't need to apologize for the delays, they should have apologized for the chicken." The audience laughed at the gag. It wasn't like the Fannies, where the nominees were sometimes flown in by Wade Load and his fiancee. Everyone had tales to tell of the trip to this event. At least they had come. KiY had been a little worried that the writers would shun this little get together for something else, like Saturday night hockey.

Thomas laughed nervously. He tapped the mike and feedback squealed from the sound system. "There's no budget like low budget. Seriously, I want to present the Silver Quill award for the Best sympathetic use of a bad guy or girl.  
"But first, I want to say that, although I'm new to this community, I've been made to feel very welcome. Some of the legends of fan fiction writing have taken the time to read my stories and offer encouragement and advice. In particular, I have to thank CaptainKodak, CajunBear and MrDrP. Your reviews and inspiration make it easy to write in this genre." Thomas nodded to Captain Kodah and MrDrP in the audience; each nodded back at him.

"The nominees for Best sympathetic use of a bad guy or girl are: **Zaratan**'s _Light in the Dark_, **Obbiejoe**'s _The New Team Possible_, **Zaratan**'s _Not Always a Happy Ending: Bonnie_, **JAKT**'s _Rewind, Play and Fast Forward_, and finally **Thomas Linquist**'s _Sarah_. Thomas looked up from the page in his hand, and grinned sheepishly at the audience.

"I just want to add here that it is coincidence that Zaratan has been nominated twice in this category. The two stories I have just mentioned are special in how they deal with the character of Bonnie Rockwaller.--"

"She's not a villain!" someone shouted.

Thomas tried to recollect his train of thought, "As for the story _Sarah_, well that's just a little bit of shameless self promotion."

"The young women written about in these stories have often been considered an enemy to be fought for no particular reason, and a spoiled brat." A slightly softened tone came to his voice as Thomas explained the reason for the nominations. "In the stories by Zaratan, Bonnie is seen for what she really is, a young girl who is bitter and unsure of herself. The author has looked beyond what the character has displayed in the series, and allows us to understand her without making excuses for her. In the story by Obbiejoe, Shego is given a chance to make something of herself, to atone for what she has done in the past, and realizing the potential for good in herself."

"JAKT have explored the 'bad guy' in depth in their story. The character of Zorpox the Conqueror is actually the evil incarnation of Ron, and through him, the writing team has explored the nature of an evil person, and how even the most evil of us can do good when they find love."

"In my story, Shego's past is explored. I wanted to develop her character as a person who had no place to turn, and made the wrong choices. It was my hope that the reader could understand her dreams and fears, and maybe begin to forgive, even as Kim Possible did."

There was a small buzz of conversation as the audience as those unfamiliar with Thomas's story asked those who had read it for their opinions.

A slight rustling sound from the stage regained their attention. Thomas had put his cane up against the podium and was opening the envelope. "And the winner of the Silver Quill award is," There was an expectant pause. _ "Light in the Dark_, by **Zaratan**."

The standard low pitched announcer voice came out of nowhere. "Accepting on behalf of the missing Zaratan will be his fellow forum moderator, CaptainKodak."

The Captain got up from his seat in the front row and climbed the steps to the stage. He carefully strode across the boards and accepted a gigantic silver plated feather (actually, it was made of plastic) which was sticking out of an old ink bottle from an art supply store. He looked at the "trophy" and shook his head a couple of times. Thomas took his hand and shook it a couple of times. Retrieving his cane, he waved the other man to the microphone and stepped back.

"Thank you, Thomas. Welcome to our little community of men and women obsessed with a cartoon show aimed at preteens." Everyone laughed a little. "It is so easy to write for these characters, when Disney has done the background work for us.  
"In today's world, we sometimes see good and evil as two totally separate things. In fact, the world is a shade of grays, with each person doing what they feel is best, or letting bitterness or anger cloud their judgment. Bonnie is hiding her pain behind a facade of toughness.  
"Ron Stoppable is the best character to breach that wall. He cares for everyone, and would give of himself even when Bonnie has said things that would hurt lesser people even more deeply. She opens up to him a little, expressing her frustration and anger, not with him and Kim, but her family and 'the food chain'."

"And now," CaptainK announced solemnly, "I' like to leave you with this thought: Anybody know how much parcel postage is to Canada?'"


	5. The Good, The Bad, The Worse, and

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This chapter was written by Mike Industries with edits by KiY.

**Chapter 5 - The Good, the Bad, the Worse, and the Wrongsick**

KiY moved to the front of the theater and fanned a number of three by five index cards. "Pick a card, any card," he invited PRT.

Fearing a trap of some sort the Pharaoh cautiously pulled out a card and started to look at it.

"Don't look at it," KiY warned, "just hand it to me." KiY looked at the card, and congratulated a puzzled PRT, "Great choice! Our next award promises to be one of the more… unusual of the day. JA, I recommend you cover KT's ears as Mike Industries brings us… Wrongsick stories."

Mike Industries mounted the stage, and opted to use the mike. As he looked out over the faces of those who would soon be his former friends he wondered if this award was such a good idea. He just wanted to announce the winner and be done with it.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have here, in my hand, the name of the winner of the Golden Bucket Award. This award is given to the person who wrote the story that disgusted, shocked, and made me feel like skipping dinner tonight. Before I say my views on these stories, I want to say this. These writers must have very sick minds to imagine these pairings."

"Our first Nominee is none other than the King of Denial, **Pharaoh Rutin Tutin**, with his story _Steal a Penny For Your Thoughts_. Now the pairing should be obvious to anyone who knows the Pharaoh, but for those who do not know, it's Rufus/Shego; AKA Rugo. Why did this make me feel sick? I just can't help but imagine the scenarios that would allow a Naked Mole Rat to pleasure the hot tempered Shego. Although, PRT did do a very good job at helping my imagination…" Mike paused for a few seconds, grasping his stomach.

"Our second Candidate is **Whitem** with RuNique. For those who don't get the title, it's obviously another pairing involving Rufus. With who? None other than Monique herself. The story is _Love U Nique_. You know, this little pink guy sure is a player. First Shego, now Monique, will the sick ideas ever stop? I understand the mole rat deserves some love, but my favorite motto should apply here; Keep it in the species." Mike put a hand on his stomach again, noticing the pain getting slightly worse.

"Next we have **Ghostwhiter**, with the story called _Worst Case Scenario_. The pairing here being Ron/DNAmy. Now before you head to the trash cans, which I've provided at the sides of the theater, I must say any pairing including Amy would be sick, but this one just takes the cake. I actually feel sorry for Ron, having to worry about this actually happening to him. I also must commend Ghostwhiter, for this is a pairing that made me regret reading while eating." Mike grabbed his stomach yet again and fell to his knees in pain. A few members of the audience gasped, but Mike stood up and smiled.

"And finally we have me. I wrote a story nominated in the category. So the final nominee is **Mike Industries**' _One Single Shot,_and one of the most commented on parts of the story is Motor Ed and Yori getting along during the fic. So I thought about those comments, and the result was a pairing I had the honor of creating. But many readers then commented on how sick it was, and I immediately felt sick to my stomach, yelling 'What have I done?' That day was not a good day for me."

Mike fell to the ground, immediately grabbing his stomach. He couldn't finish the presentation feeling like he did. He looked toward an exit and waved his arm for someone to come out. Many in the audience gasped and applauded as Ino Yamanaka, looked somewhat disheveled, stepped out from behind the heavy drape.

"Who is that," KiY asked.

"Character from Naruto," someone answered.

The blond haired female ninja joined Mike on the stage, "Why did you not warn me of the giant spiders?" she hissed.

"Sorry, I forgot," he answered.

"You will pay extra for this forgetting," she warned as she grabbed the white card out of Mike's hand and took her spot in behind the microphone.

"Hey everyone! Surprised to see me? Any way, the winner of the Wrongsick Pairing category, and the Golden Bucket award goes to... Ghostwhiter!"

Ghostwhiter immediately stood up and yelled for joy. He ran towards the stage, and gave Ino a giant hug. Mike finally managed to rise and tottered over to the edge of the stage, where he had left the Golden Bucket (a normal bucket spray-painted gold) before the start of the ceremony. After passing the award to Ghostwhiter Mike collapsed yet again, and Ino dragged him to the exit.

Ghostwhiter began to deliver his winner's speech as loud screams sounded from the exit.

"I am proud to be blessed with knowing that I made you all feel so sick, you couldn't handle it. I know now that I am truly gifted when it comes to writing horrible things, and I will continue to keep thinking this way for you all. I would also like to say thanks to a few people. First, myself. I couldn't have done it without me. Secondly, myself again; because I'm such a cool guy. And finally, King in Yellow for hosting this wonderful event!" Ghostwhiter bowed and exited the stage. Everyone in attendance clapped wildly because the presentation was over.


	6. Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This chapter was written by KiY, with editing by KiY. Produced and directed by KiY, who appears in the starring role and, under elaborate makeup, in the roles of Campy and MrDrP.

**Chapter 6 - Whose Line Is It Anyway?**

KiY moved quickly to the stage and, in a booming voice, addressed the (small) crowd. "All right, for a little better idea of why the Fonnies should not be confused with the Fannies we present a castoff from the Fannies. Zaratan dropped the option on Best Line this year, and we picked it up.

"Actually, I suspect the Fannies Rules Committee regrets having dropped the Best Line category. The award was dropped for two reasons, first there was a philosophical debate about how much individual lines mean out of context. Which relates to the second, more practical concern. Some of last year's nominated lines just didn't mean much by themselves. In several cases it appeared voters nominated them for the quality of the story in which they appeared rather than the lines themselves.

"And now we come to this year, where we have some outstanding lines nominated for the Fonnie award. I'm pleased to have two nominees in the final four. From Double-Minded, my… Well, words fail me. Check it out for yourself. The nominees, in alphabetical order, by author, are:

"From **Campy**'s _Mating Games_ we have Tara's last line in chapter 11:  
"Haven't you noticed, G-man? You can't spell 'Tara' without 'T' …" she purred. Then she stood and, turning slowly, added over her shoulder, "and 'A'."

From **King in Yellow**'s _Double-Minded_:  
Ron had lots of ideas, but they involved both Kims, Shego and a bottle of Wesson oil and he wasn't going to share the thoughts with Kim and Monique. "Uh, missed the question KP, could you repeat it?"

And also from **King in Yellow**'s _Double-Minded_:  
The Drs. Possible heard the crashing as they watched television in the family room. "Would you break that up, Dear?" Anne asked her husband. "I don't know why Kim can't play nicely with herself."

"Finally, from **MrDrP**'s _Epic Sitch: Big Monkey on Campus_  
Wally looked out at the sea of reporters, suspecting they were hoping for an explanation of the unfortunate incident involving the Ferrari, the two circus girls, the case of whiskey, and the dwarf.

"And the winner is…" KiY mentally kicked himself as he reached down to take off his shoe, _"I can't even rig an election right. I Classic Cowboyed myself getting two of my stories in the final four and ended up tying with Campy for the win."_ He pulled the envelope out of his shoe - prompting a few calls of 'Put it back on' from the audience. He knew what the paper read, he'd typed it himself. Unfolding the sheet of paper he ignored it, and pretended to read, "And the winner of the Fonnie for 'Best Line' is MrDrP." He looked out in the audience where other writers were tapping MrDrP on the shoulder, urging him to go forward and accept the Spiny Norman.

MrDrP appeared stunned as he approached the stage, "I really wasn't expecting this award," he explained as he reached into a pocket for his standard three page acceptance speech form. "I didn't even memorize any spontaneous and unrehearsed comments." He accepted the Spiny Norman from KiY, nodded to the cutout of Zaratan, and addressed the crowd. "When I was a young boy, growing up in a log cabin in Kentucky…"

As KiY left the stage his ring tone sounded, a clipped British voice announced, "Sir, your telephone is ringing, _again._" He hurried behind the thick, crushed velvet drapes which covered the exit to the west of the stage.

"Yes?" he whispered.

A cold, inhuman voice hissed in his ear, "You did an acceptable job, Mr. Yellow."

"My wife and daughters?"

"They're fine. They will be home when the ceremony is over. You know why you and Mr. Campout were--"

"Campy."

"Pardon?"

"His name is Campy, not Campout."

"You know why you and Mr. Campy were not allowed to win, don't you?"

"Not really, I--"

"Then I shall remind you. The two of you wrote borderline smut. Here at Disney Corporation we--" From the corner of his eye KiY watched two of the giant spiders trying to sidle up towards him in an a nonchalant manner. One of them might have been trying to whistle a Cole Porter tune, but the mandibles made it difficult to tell for certain. KiY quickly hit the volume button and held the phone out for the spiders to hear. "--wholesome family entertainment. We will not brook seeing our image dragged in the mud by--" The spiders fled to the darkest reaches of the exit corridor, chittering in stark terror. KiY almost smiled to himself, in a showdown between malevolent, blood-sucking monsters and eight legged creatures the corporate lawyers had proven more frightening. He returned the phone to his ear, "--not all we might like, we could allow the award going to the third nominee."

"Yes, sir," KiY assured him, "just like you directed."

"Good, because if there is any repetition of stories like Double-Minded you'll be learning what the phrase, 'It's Goofy time' really means. Is that clear, Mr. Yellow."

"Yes, Sir."

"Remember, don't mess with the mouse." The phone clicked as the corporate lawyer hung up.

A quiet KiY moved from the exit back into the theater, at least his family was safe. On stage MrDrP had almost finished the first page of his acceptance speech. Campy beckoned for KiY to come over for a minute.

"I thought for sure I'd win," Campy admitted. "I had people stuffing the ballot box for me."

"I know the feeling," KiY admitted, "I planned on winning when I volunteered to give the award. I was stuffing too."

"And we still lost to MrDrP? No justice."

"Hey, his fan base is bigger than both of ours put together."

"You suffering from fan base envy?" Campy demanded.

"What makes you ask?"

"Well, to begin with, you've given him a really stupid acceptance speech."

"Hey, if it doesn't get enough good reviews he can always take it down later."

"Definitely fan base envy."

"Okay, maybe. Hey, great line, by the way. If I hadn't been stuffing the ballot box you'd have probably won."

"Yeah, well remember I was too," Campy reminded him. "Maybe MrDrP really did deserve the award."

"He got it, anyway."

"Just as a matter of question, how long are you going to leave him rambling up there on stage?"

"Probably for an hour or so until the next chapter gets posted."

Campy shook his head sadly, "Fan base envy."


	7. You Must Stir It and Stump It

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by Whitem with edits by KiY

Title taken from a song in Ruddigore

**Chapter 7 - You Must Stir It and Stump It and Blow Your Own Trumpet**

KiY stood and announced, "And now a presenter who needs no introduction," and sat down.

A number of presenters looked at each other. Wondering who he meant. A couple started to get up, when Whitem bolted to the front of the theater and got on stage.

Given the dimness of the theater the dark glasses made seeing difficult, but they were too cool to remove. "Ladies…" Whitem pushed his sunglasses down a bit as he tried to look over the audience. "Or is it Lady? Anyways… Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to present to you the award for Best Self Promotion. There really wasn't any competition here, when I thought of this award, only one person popped into my head.

"Since there were no other contenders, I'll skip the customary reading of all nominees. Be that as it may, the individual who is to receive this… wonderful? award came onto the fanfiction writing scene quite literally by storm. He's written so many stories that I really don't have time to list them, plus I'm sure y'all know about them from his… err… shameless self promotion. I will say that I think I've inadvertently, along with a few others, promoted at least one of his stories myself."

Whitem shuffled his notes and dropped an 8x5 card. "Oops…" He picked up the card, and looked out at the crowd with a surprised look on his face. "See… I just did it again, and I didn't even mean to. Any way, enough about me. How about we get the one man out here who never lets us forget him in some of the most… interesting ways? So without any further the winner of the Best Self Promotion… a man who needs no introduction, but will get one anyway… Cpneb!"

Some real cheers, some groans, and mock cheers came mixed from the 'crowd' as 'Neb came out down the aisle wearing a sandwich board. The front of the sandwich board read: 'Have you had your grapes today?' While, on the back, it read: 'I love strawberries...seriously.'

Those reading the rear-facing board and knew 'Neb, and/or had read his stories, roared with laughter. Others, reading the front-facing board, and had been on the forums, chuckled at the 'grapes' joke, while some sat and looked confused.

'Neb removed the sandwich board, placed it on the ground, and turned to face the audience. He was wearing a navy blue MeeZod shirt with a **_Blaze_IT! _Search and Rescue_** logo in white on the left breast. He had khaki slacks and a pair of loafers.

"I could have worn shorts, but KT and Akinyi have done nothing to deserve being forced to see these legs," 'Neb quipped, and he looked out over the audience when he heard stereo raspberries coming from the direction of the two young ladies.

'Neb reached the microphone, shook Whitem's hand, and gingerly accepted the 'award'.

"I got your self promotion right here!" he laughed. "I guess it's about time I got 'officially' recognized for doing what I started in early 2007, when I all I wanted was to gain some recognition and possible votes for the Fannies. It must have worked," 'Neb laughed, "since many of you who swore that self promotion was 'uncivilized,'" and several individuals squirmed in their seats, "are now following 'the path of the 'Nebster' and performing self promotion also: and, in public!"

'Neb laughed as KT covered her dad JA's ears. Star laughed, and PRT just rolled his eyes.

"Now, threads such as 'toot your own horn' have become acceptable, and folks campaigned for Fannies this year. Heck, some even campaigned for these Fonnies. Hard to believe, isn't it?"

KT shouted across the room: "Path of the nebster: now, there's a path that Akinyi wants to follow!" The room burst into laughter as Akinyi blushed, thinking about following 'Neb...and she blushed even more.

_"I got'ta lay off the grapes,"_ she mused inside as calmed down and the red began to gradually left her face. She deliberately did not look at 'Neb for a few minutes: she just knew that he was going to do something to make her blush even more.

But then, Akinyi had an even more evil thought: "Hey, KT!" she yelled back across the room. "Is that anything like the path you're making, following Star around?" The room erupted again as it was KT's turn to blush and Star and PRT exchanged fist bumps.

"My original thought," 'Neb continued with a grin after the laughter died down, "was to publicize in order to attract readers to my stories, since JADE wasn't well known or exceedingly popular when I started. That worked-" Several writers took notes on arms, legs, and shirts of people in front of them. "-especially at award time. I had a major surge of hits on my profile page both years, so something must'a worked.  
"Anyway, since y'all don't want to hear me talk about what I did or am doing currently, I won't mention the upcoming chapters of Define, Hell IV, Reality Happens, and Will I, not to mention the upcoming completion and after Fannie scenes from Road Trip," 'Neb smiled.

"Aren't you mentioning them when you say you won't mention them?" someone shouted.

"There's a writer with a future," 'Neb told the crowd.

Pharaoh Rutin Tutin groaned. "Even in the award for self-promotion, he's self-promoting!" Several in the audience jeered both PRT and Cpneb.

"Hey, blame Whitem and yourselves: he gave me the award, but you folks continue to feed it and the monster in others, including yourselves...so there," 'Neb took his award, grabbed his sandwich board, and left the stage in silence. "Shame on you!" Akinyi told 'Neb when he got back to his seat next to her.

"What did I do?" 'Neb whined, but Akinyi never told him, choosing to sit back, cross her arms over her chest, and smile knowingly.

"What?" he continued to ask, but she continued to smile and say nothing.

"What?" he whined, but she turned away with a redheaded heroine's look in her smile.

_"Make him suffer,"_ she laughed inside as he continued to pout.


	8. Just Tryin' to Have Me Some Fun

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by Allaine with edits by KiY

The title is taken from Illegal Smile by John Prine

**Chapter 8 - ****No I'm Just Tryin' to Have Me Some Fun**

_"Having to explain why someone is important is like trying to explain a joke,"_ KiY mused as he got on stage. "If any of you are too new to KP fanfiction to be aware of it, we are privileged today to have one of the great early writers of KP fanfiction with us. Allaine will be presenting the Welcome to the Dark Side Fonnie."

As Allaine came to the front of the theater a white sphere on a long cable snaked in from one of the exit ways.

"Glad you could make it," he said.

A voice emanated from the softly pulsating sphere "I'm still not entirely clear why I'm here," Sappho complained "I'm a SelfAutomated Flying Orbiter with a personality implant, not a human. Besides, do you know how hard it is to find a Vera Wang in a 30XL?"

"You're here because you are important. You are a classic part of the evolution of KP fanfiction!"

"I am?" the sphere took on a slightly pink tone, as if blushing. "Well, I will accept their homage. Flattery might get you somewhere."

"Thank you." Allaine turned to the audience, "Some of you have wondered where KiGo writers come from. We are not born, we are made. This is the reason some hardcore K/R shippers warn you against reading any KiGo, _ever_. They are aware you may find it's not as bad as you imagine. Some of you might even mutate into KiGo writers yourselves, so that it spreads like some kind of contagion sweeping the planets. Whatever you do, don't let a Kigo writer bite you. If the skin breaks…"

"Wait," Sappho interrupted, "Why am I here, really? Cut out the snow job."

Allaine sighed, "Okay, truth is we aren't allowed to use real characters from the series for this ceremony. And every other original character in my stories is either dead, a baby, or belongs in prison. You were the only choice I had."

"Oh, thank you, I feel _so_ much better now."

"You asked for the truth," he reminded her.

"You still could have lied."

"Anyway," Allaine continued, "the three nominees all occupy somewhat legendary status within not only the Kigo community, but the general Kim Possible fandom as well. Even if you don't read Kigo, you probably know who these people are, you've heard others recommend them, and you may have even glanced at their work on occasion. But this award isn't about you. It's about those poor suckers who were on their way to becoming good little K/R readers before they were waylaid and brainwashed, like Scientologists. Basically, if you win this, you're no better than Tom Cruise. Shame on you. Now get off that damn couch and come get this."

"I agree," Sappho said. "It's obvious that Shego should be riding me, not Kim."

Allaine took off his jacket and threw it over the orb. There was a confused noise or two before Sappho began to make snoring noises.

"The nominees . . .

"**Allaine** His _An Unacceptable Sitch_ series was the first major body of ongoing Kigo work to hit the Internet. It's not unfair to say that AUS was the series that first set Kigo on the road to changing from just another niche pairing, to the second largest 'ship in the community. The sheer number of hits and reviews he's received speak to AUS' success with the mainstream audience. Although he'll be the first to admit that AUS deviates from canon for Seasons 3 and 4, many have recommended AUS as the perfect introduction to first time Kigo readers who are willing to give it a chance, if only they can be convinced. You'd be surprised by the list of names of K/R readers he convinced. Plus he just retired, so you don't have many chances left to give him awards.

"**Rinacat** If pictures are worth a thousand words, then her Kigo fanart has said 'Kigo is cute and sexy and sweet and romantic and you will never stop wanting more' about four million times. A very talented artist who specializes in anime-style pieces, Rina has been creating artwork and comics for the pairing for years. She's also done work for various Kigo authors, such as Allaine, Apoptosis, and Hobnobrev, and used the opportunity to introduce her audience to their stories. Hundreds of fans got their first taste of Kigo's allure through the sweetness of her work, and their first glimpse of Kigo fanfic through the links at her DeviantArt gallery. The Kigo community christened her a 'Goddess' for a reason.

"**Hobnobrev** If Allaine's stories and Rinacat's art were the introduction to Kigo for fans of Kim Possible, Hobnobrev is the most prominent example of the generation of writers and artists they inspired. Sure, he just wrote the one Kigo, _Mind, Body, and Soul_, but at around five hundred thousand words this massive monster of a tale is longer than all of Allaine's fics _combined_. Over the extended period of time in which it was published, piece by enormous piece, _Mind Body and Soul_ quickly became one of the most popular Kigo fics of all time. The vile and perverse Kara Fang became that memorable original character you love to hate, and her sister Shia was one of the most controversial. With his attention to detail - some would say TOO MUCH attention during his torture scenes - and his extensively choreographed fight scenes, Hobnobrev guaranteed that the in progress sequel would be one of the most highly anticipated fanfics ever, and that new Kigo readers would continue to stay up WAY past their bedtimes trying to finish the next chapter of MBS.

"And the winner of the Fonnie is . . . Rinacat!"

Sappho suddenly woke up. "Wait, what? You're writing this yourself, and you gave it to _someone else?_"

"There's a streak of innocence in most of Rina's work. Nothing lures in the young innocents better. Besides, one of her pictures inspired MBS, and she's promoted my own work way more effectively than I've promoted hers. She deserves it."

"Psh. She's never drawn ME."

"Rinacat couldn't make it here in time, so I will accept this Fonnie on her behalf. Be sure to congratulate her at rinacat at Deviantart"


	9. The Perils of Pauline

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by The Real Sidekick with edits by KiY

Chapter title refers to one of the great early movie serials, where some episodes, quite literally, ended with cliffhangers.

**Chapter 9 - The Perils of Pauline**

As KiY moved forward to announce the next presenter the lights flickered on and off. Words he had promised his mother would never leave his mouth went through his mind. It was almost like someone was playing with the switches in the lobby, but everyone was inside the theater. The audience was turning ugly, a very short trip for a few of them, and KiY tried desperately to calm them down.

"People, please," he yelled, "You all knew this wasn't going to be the Fannies so just deal with it. So what if there are a few problems we have to wade through?"

As if on cue, the power in the auditorium flickered again and stayed off for several seconds. When it came back on, the King was pretty sure there were a few more seats filled in the back. Seats with people… with mandibles... and additional arms.

_"Oh dear God, there is something moving back there,"_ he thought with panic. Seeing one wave to him with one of its many arms, he paused for a second before continuing. "Our," his voice cracked as he noticed another back row fill with even more… 'attendees'. He paused and cleared his voice, "Our next presenter is one who needs no introduction." Another row filled in, "So here is The Real Sidekick."

A round of halfhearted applause echoed around the auditorium as the King left the stage. On his way back KiY recruited Ran Hakubi and Whitem for the trip to the back of the theatre. "We've got spiders trying to pass themselves off as fanfiction writers and set up an ambush in the back," he whispered. "You two fought them before."

"How do you know they're not fanfiction writers," Ran asked.

"They've got eight arms!"

"Maybe they're Italian," Whitem suggested.

"You should ask," Ran insisted, "Just to be polite."

"Fine, I'll ask," KiY promised. "But I'd appreciate some backup if they think I'm an entrée."

Meanwhile, the stage remained empty and members of the audience looked around for The Read Sidekick. "I know I saw him earlier," several people agreed.

In the back of the theater Ran, Whitem, and KiY engaged the Italians in spirited debate.

Kwebs tried to organize a mob to start chanting TRS's name, but there were just too many syllables in it to make a good chant. As things deteriorated, JA leaned over to CaptainKodak and remarked, "TRS had better not do anything like this at the Fannies."

As if in response, The Real Sidekick suddenly hopped out on stage, struggling to tighten his belt and rearrange his shirt. His red _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ shirt was inside out and he had forgotten to retie the laces on his PF Flyers.

Standing in front of the audience The Real Sidekick raised his hands in apology, "Sorry I kept you all waiting," he paused and took a deep breath, "I had some…unfinished business backstage that I had to attend to."

"Is that what you call me?" a sultry female voice questioned from behind the curtain.

The Real Sidekick's eyes widened slightly as the male authors in the room started chuckling amongst themselves and the women just rolled their eyes. In some parts of the room, you could hear the word "Pig" said. However, most attributed it to the trio's continuing fight and it did look like the three were winning.

Ignoring the 'woman' behind the curtain, TRS cleared his throat and said, "Cliffhangers invoke many feelings in the reader. They are without a doubt the deadliest weapon in an author's arsenal," he started walking along the stage so he could address the entire audience. "A well placed and well written cliffhanger will ensure that you have an audience for your next chapter. A poorly used cliffhanger will result in flaming and hate mail from all your readers."

TRS paused and squinted into the light, "Behind you Ran."

_SMACK_

"Thank you," came the reply from the back of the theater.

"No problem," TRS paused and started again, "When an author uses-"

"Just give the award and get back here," the woman interrupted from her place in the curtain.

TRS shot a glance at the woman waiting in the wing and whispered loudly, "Shut up Scarlet. I'm giving my introduction to this category."

"Well I'm bored," Scarlet protested loudly, "So hurry up."

"Fine," The Real Sidekick answered crossly as he fished into his back pocket, "I'll just read off the nominations…as soon as I can find them." He started patting down all his pockets in an effort to locate the missing envelope with the nominations on them.

"Looking for something?" Scarlet asked seductively as a beautifully sculpted arm extended from the curtain's edge.

"How?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Oh, I pulled it out of your pocket when your pants were on the floor," she replied.

TRS blushed as he made a grab for it and succeeded in grabbing it away from the Succubus.

Turning back to the chuckling audience, he cleared his throat and looked around sheepishly, "She talks a good game, what can I say? The nominees for the Best Cliffhanger at the End of A Chapter are…"

**The Real Sidekick**'s _The Art Of Disguise_

"You can drop the act now," Bonnie called out, bringing a confused look to everyone present. Well, all except one.

"Thanks Bonnie, it took you long enough though," Zita said as she dropped her hands and started walking towards Bonnie.

Bonnie smiled and holstered her weapon before putting her hands up in mock defense, "Well, we had to put on a good show. Now, do you have the list?"

Zita held up one finger to signal wait and walked back to the still steaming GTO. Pulling her laptop from the back seat, she walked up to Bonnie and opened the screen. On the screen rested the entire list, recently decrypted and on display for the whole world to see.

"Now to seal my end," Zita started as she pushed the delete button. The computer chugged for a second as the file was deleted, but within several seconds, the message _Files deleted, _appeared on screen

Shutting down the laptop, Zita spoke, "Your turn."

Nodding, Bonnie signaled to the guards who grabbed Mrs. Flores and brought her to Zita's side. "You two can go now and thanks for your help Zita," Zita turned to leave, but Bonnie called out, "Oh and Zita, report to GJ tonight at 8:00. Clear?"

"Clear," Zita nodded before walking off with her mom.

As she passed the trio still standing in middle of the road with their arms still raised, Zita turned to Ron, "What? Did you honestly expect me to help you out?" her tone shifted from genuine confusion to homicidal rage, "You ignored me, you lied to me and you left me for this red headed _perra,_" she spat at his feet, "You honestly expect me to open my _casa_ to you as if nothing happened? Please."

Zita turned and walked away with her mother as Bonnie seductively walked forward.

Seeing the look on Ron's face, she smiled, "She's one of the best agents we have Ronnie-poo. Other than me of course," Bonnie draped her arms around Ron while throwing Kim a look.

With her lips hovering centimeters over Ron's skin, Bonnie whispered just loud enough for the prisoners to hear, "Now…I have my two least favorite people in the world and their oriental bitch in my possession, what to do, what to do…" Bonnie pulled away and walked towards Kim. Nearing her rival, she smiled wickedly as she pulled out her pistol and pressed it against Kim's cheek.

"No, you can't kill us, we have to be brought in for trial," Kim said, sweating profusely as the cold steel pressed against her chin.

"Will said that we need Stoppable in one piece, and even then he was kinda hazy on that. From what I gathered, it's suggested, but not required that I bring in Stoppable alive. Although, I'm pretty sure that the guards here will all back me up when I say that you two and the Japanese girl were shot while escaping," she turned to the guards, "Right?"

A chuckle went up from the guards as they answered, "Yes Miss Rockwaller."

"See K," Bonne turned back to face Kim, gun still pressed against her cheek, "I won, you lost, and now," she pulled back the hammer of the pistol, "I'm going to kill you all."

TRS looked pretty smug with himself, "I wrote that," he explained, "And my first story too, be sure to check it out." A clearing of the throat from the back of the theatre got the Real Sidekick moving again, "The next nominee is…"

**Gray Cardinal**'s _I Suppose This Means They Read the Fanfic_

There was a _click_ so soft that Rufus barely heard it, and abruptly, a small black tube was pointing at his nose from inside one of Mell's sleeves. He froze.

"Better think twice about that," Mell told Shego calmly. "This is only a three-hundred watt pulse laser – but that's good enough to fry your little pink friend here. Not to mention whatever's in that bag. Which is humming, by the way."

"He – it – isn't my—"

Before Shego could finish the sentence, Kim's voice cut in, sounding desperate. "Nobody fries Rufus, okay? And especially, nobody blows up the . . . ." She trailed off.

Without so much as twitching her wrist-mounted laser, Mell tilted her head upward. "Blows up the what? Do tell."

"I . . . can't," said Kim, not at all convincingly. "I don't have the faintest idea what Mom had in that bag."

"Yes, you do," Mell said cheerily. "Now tell me – unless you like your mole rats extra crispy, that is."

Shego spoke next. "Better answer, princess. Kaboom Girl here doesn't mess around."

Kim sighed audibly. "Wade called it a PANIC projector – something to do with parallel universes and dual quantum states. I – didn't get all the specifics."

"PANIC," Mell said thoughtfully. "Dual quantum states. Probably – amp down the plasma there, night-light girl – for booting unappreciated guests out of neighboring universes. Am I right?"

There were several awkward moments of silence. "I'll take that as a yes," said Mell, looking amused. "So what happens if I blow it up? Something spectacular, I bet."

One of Rufus's few weaknesses – aside from cheese – was the irresistible impulse to cap a sufficiently apt straight line, and Mell had inadvertently given him one. "_Gluglugluglugluglugshhhllloooooopp!_" he said, simulating a bathtub drain for the second time that day.

Mell eyed him, impressed. "Black hole, huh? Maybe total collapse of the immediate multiverse?" Reluctantly, Rufus nodded.

"Well, then," said Mell Kelly, very carefully levering herself to her feet one-handed, her wrist laser wavering not so much as a millimeter from its focus on Rufus's nose as she did so, "everyone had better do _exactly_ as I say, hadn't they? Unless you really want to find out what black holes look like from the inside."

"You can't let her –"

"We have to, Ron," came Kim's voice, sounding resigned. "It's too dangerous not to."

"She's right, Stoppable," Shego put in, "and you have to know how much I hate saying that. Can't have world domination without a world to dominate, you know?"

"Perfect," Mell said, reaching into yet another pocket with her free hand and producing two pairs of black and silver shackles. "So, Kimmy, if you'll just cuff Shego's wrists behind her for me? No – that set's to hobble her ankles; give me _some_ credit."

Kim sighed. "This is so wrong – in a very wrong way, if that makes any sense."

"I hear you, princess," said Shego as the restraints clicked shut. "It's – embarrassing."

Mell gave Shego a disgusted look. "No less embarrassing than reading incredibly kinky porn about goinking your boss, your boss's mom, and a gerbil all at practically the same time," she said dryly.

"_Eeeeuuuwwww!!_" said Kim and Ron simultaneously, followed in the next breath by "Too much information!", and in the breath after that by "Jinx, you owe me a soda!"

Shego simply glared. "I refuse to be guilt-tripped by a comic strip character with wimpy taste in fanfic. Now if Princess here wants to pile it on, fine – she's got the right. It _is_ my fault her mother got evaporated. But it's not my fault that my made-up Mell turns out to have a way twistier imagination than yours." The expression on Shego's face looked oddly . . . drained, Rufus decided.

"So not the right moment," Kim said in a dry, tightly wound voice. "If we somehow come out of this in the same universe – we'll talk. Unless I decide to pound you into Silly Putty."

"We come out of this in the same universe . . . Kim," replied Shego, "I may just let you."

"Oh, spare me," Mell cut in. "Enough with the tea and sympathy already. Besides, it's not like-"

Two voices interrupted at once; one was Ron's. "Weird. It's not—"

The other came from behind Rufus, as a certain red-furred gerbil poked its head out of the sports bag. "What's going on out--?"

For a split second, reality seemed to freeze-frame, as six faces registered six different flavors of shock.

Then Mell's wrist laser went off.

"Hmm," TRS remarked, "the interior of a black hole, looks like I'll have to check up on this story…Anyway our third and final nominee and the only KiGo in this category is…"

**A. Markov**'s _Don't Do Me Any Favors_

"Mom?" Kim mumbled, "s'cold."

"Stay still, Kitten." Shego said sternly.

"Sh'go?"

"I'm here hon, we're having a bit of an issue though, so stay still."

"Why don't you tell her the truth?" Dr. Director asked. "Why don't you tell her you're going to die in a few seconds and she's going to die with you?"

"Chief?" Kim asked fearfully. "You're dead! I saw you die!" a hysterical note crept into her voice. Shego could sense frantic movement behind her, like Kim was climbing up the chair or maybe burrowing into it, the pale woman kept her eyes steadily focused on the finger stroking the trigger of the gun.

"You _tried_ to kill me, _Kimmie_," she spat the name out, "but I survived and I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not giving you that chance."

"I saw you die!" the panic-stricken red head continued, "The man kept hitting you with a stick… over and over… He killed you with a stick…"

"What man?"

"The man at the school… He killed you with a stick… you're dead… I saw it. You're dead."

"YOU LIE!" The brown haired woman yelled and her finger relaxed from the trigger for a split second but that was all the time Shego needed. A concentrated blast of hot plasma engulfed the Director's gun and hands; her yell turned into a scream of pain. The pale thief closed the distance in an instant and chopped down on the older woman's arm, knocking the gun to the floor. The Director recovered quickly and attacked the pale woman. Shego recognized the looping gymnastic style that her kitten used but it was more refined and definitely more deadly. Fortunately, the burnt hands and close confines of the hospital room hampered her brown haired assailant.

Shego saw in Dr. Director the potential that Kim could achieve and realized she would have to end the fight soon or be overwhelmed. The same improvisational skills that the little red head employed were used to full advantage by the maniacal killer Shego found herself squared off against. So far, her superior strength was saving her but she had expended a lot of energy getting into this room and was starting to feel the effects of that.

"you're dead… I saw you die… you're dead…" Kim continued to mumble.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" The uninjured agent had picked up the gun and was pointing it at Kim. Shego's stomach fell and a pain having nothing to do with combat shot through her chest. She couldn't breathe, after all this, some idiot punk of a government stooge agent was going to kill her kitten! She leapt.

He pulled the trigger.

The Real Sidekick stood poised in the center of the theatre, fully expecting a resolution. Not getting one he yelled in frustration, "NOOO!! I hate Cliffhangers! Ugh, it's just like an episode of 24…or LOST, always cliffhangers."

Getting some confirming nods from people, TRS continued, "And the Winner for The Best Cliffhanger is…"

He opened the envelope, "Oh I did not see this one coming…It's "The Art Of Disguise" By the Real Sidekick. My own story won! How did this happen?"

Clutching at the Spiny Norman presented to him, The Real Sidekick gushed, "Ohh, this is the happiest day of my life!" he paused and took on more serious demeanor, "An author winning in their own category…haven't seen this happen at all today."

Seeing the King in Yellow returning from his battle TRS nodded and turned to the audience one last time, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go steal my soul back from Scarlet. 'Night all and try not to drink the water in the lobby. Scarlet says it tastes weird."

With that, he moved behind the curtain at the back of the stage and audience members could hear the sounds of a scuffle slowly retreating into the depths of the theatre.

As the King returned to the stage, JA leaned over to the Captain a second time and whispered, "He'd really better not try anything like that at the Fannies."


	10. I Am the Very Model of a KP Parody

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by Ran Hakubi with edits by KiY.

Chapter title is a take off from a song in HMS Pinafore.

**Chapter 10 - I Am the Very Model of a Modern KP Parody**

Ran Hakubi walked out onto the stage wearing a plain red t-shirt and a pair of light blue carpenter jeans. In his hand was the list of nominee's for the "Best Parody" award. He turned to the crowd and looked out over the very small collection of writers there for the Fonnies.

"My fellow writers, it is hard, if not impossible to write a parody of something. Writing one takes great creative talent. I should know. Here are the nominee's for the "Best Parody" award," Ran said and consulted his 3x5 cards.

**Ran Hakubi**, with _Today on Faller_.

**Pharaoh Rutin Tutin**, with_ Shegowocky_.

and **King in Yellow**'s _Season Four Spoilers_.

"And the winner is… Well, I'll be danged, a three way tie. Not sure how that's going to work out, but, ya know, there you have it," Ran said as he threw his card over his shoulder into the hole on the stage that CaptainKodak1 had fallen through earlier.

PRT got up from his chair while KiY came joined him for the trip to the stage.

"Were you expecting to win?" PRT whispered as they moved forward.

"No," KiY admitted. "The story wasn't even eligible, it was written in 2006."

"Just smile and nod," PRT advised.

The two men joined Ran in stage center. Mace Ecam, wearing a lovely silver evening gown with sparkling sequins came out and presented the award to the three men. Mace placed the award firmly in the King of Denial's hands, gave a smile and curtsy to the audience, and then walked back stage.

PRT and KiY's eyes nearly popped out of their skulls as they watched Mace. Ran was doubled over in laughter. "I paid him five bucks to do that!" Ran said between laughs.

"Smile and nod," PRT whispered to KiY. "Smile and nod."

"How about run and hide?" KiY whispered by way of compromise. The two looked at each other, and slowly started backing away from Ran, then made a mad dash for the chairs where they were sitting earlier.

"Hey, weren't there suppose to be clips with those nominees?" Thomas Linquist called.

Ran stopped and walked back out to the middle of the stage and looked down at TL. "Are you kidding me? Clips cost time, money, and effort. Do you know how much King had to spend on this thing? Twelve dollars and sixty-three cents. And I wasn't about to chip in any of my hard earned cash in on this thing, when there are other thing I can waste it on - like video games. Or paying Mace to put on a dress. Which just leaves the two. And of course, I wasted a lot of my time and effort on said video games. Which means I had to pull this together at the last minute. Actually, I'm not sure where I'm going with this. This whole rant sounded a lot cooler in my head. Sorry for having wasted your time"

Ran blinked at TL a couple of times and walked off stage and back out to the chairs in front of the stage and sat down in a random one. The moment he eased into the chair, it collapsed under his weight and promptly dumped Mr. Hakubi onto his butt.

Cpneb leaned over and looked at Ran. "Are you alright?" he asked as Ran struggled to get to his feet. "Just hope Zaratan's after party is better than this…" Ran muttered to himself. "At least Captain IT brought some beer. That's a nice plus."

Ran eased into a chair that didn't collapse under his weight and enjoyed the rest of the show.

KiY started to rise, but Captain IT stood first, "Time for a musical interlude!" and plugged an 8 Track into the machine and hit the play button. Soon "Weird" Al Yankovic's parody of "Bad", called "Fat" started to play.

_"Your butt is wide, well mine is too Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you. The word is out, better treat me right cause I'm the king of cellulite Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right._

_My zippers bust, my buckles break I'm too much man for you to take. The pavement cracks when I fall down, I've got more chins than Chinatown._

_Well, I've never used a phone booth And I've never seen my toes. When I'm goin' to the movies I take up seven rows._

_Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it. You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know Don't cha call me pudgy, portly or stout. Just now tell me once again who's fat._

_When I walk out to get my mail It measures on the Richter scale. Down at the beach I'm a lucky man I'm the only one who gets a tan. If I have one more pie a la mode I'm gon'na need my own zip code._

_When you're only having seconds I'm having twenty-thirds. When I go to get my shoes shined I got'ta take their word _

_Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone… You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it. You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know. And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds Lem'me tell you once again who's fat._

_If you see me comin' your way better give me plenty space. If I tell you that I'm hungry Then won't you feed my face?_

_Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on… You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it. You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house I really sit around the house._

_You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on… You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it. You know, you know, you know, come on And you know all by myself I'm a crowd Lem'me tell you once again._

_You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it You know I'm fat, you know, hoo. You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud Just tell me once again who's fat._

CaptainKodak jabbed KiY with a finger. "I thought you were supposed to edit these scenes."

"I was busy. I did what I had time for."


	11. So Captain Marvel Zapped Him

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by Lxk, edits by KiY.

Title from The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill by the Beatles.

**Chapter 11 - So Captain Marvel Zapped Him Right between the Eyes**

"Well, if we gave out awards at the Fonnies for the presenter who traveled the farthest I think it would go to our next presenter." KiY said, looking over the gathered writers and trying to remember which of them it was.

In his seat a young, dark haired Swede, dressed in black pants with a black turtleneck and black shoes (the God of colors had taken a day off, it seemed) squirmed, _"How badly will he mispronounce my pen name?"_

"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the award for Weirdest Crossover, the Fannie and UFO award nominated, LXK!" KiY paused between the initials.

"Did he just call me 'Elle Echskay?" The Swede asked Mace. "By the way, nice dress." But the only reply he got was a shove toward the stage.

The shove meant that his entry wasn't as graceful as it should have been. Combined with his squinting at some lights in his eyes, it appeared as if the presenter was quite inebriated. In truth, he wasn't. Well, as least not that much. He was currently in a state where the Absolut Vodka had affected him enough to make mistakes when he spoke, but not enough to make him not care. Lxk grinned and stepped up to the podium, getting out his notes as he reached it. Thank God he had memorized it, because the words seemed to be moving around on the card. He took a breath.

"If we compare fanfiction to any other artistic endeavor, the cover song seems to be the best analogy," he began. "To take another's work, not passing off as your own, but showing it from a different perspective, maybe in a different setting, is what crossovers are all about."

"Some stories are good, even great. They become like Johnny Cash's version of 'Hurt' or Jimi Hendrix 'All Along the Watchtower', almost transcending the original. Some stories are bad, becoming like Fred Durst's version of 'Behind Blue Eyes' or anything by Michael Bolton, almost making us wish there had never been a Kim Possible to write about." The presenter grinned a bit at that. Take that, Bolton and Durst!

"What then, is the crossover? It is, in fact, perhaps the hardest form of fan fiction. Combining two different series into a working story presents entirely new problems... but also different rewards. If we compare to music, the crossover is like Johnny Cash performing 'Hurt', in the style of Elton John. Reaching two audiences, not just the one. But, as with everything, some crossovers seem more likely than others, more easily adapted." _"Should I have gone with Cash again? Well, too late now,"_ lxk thought.

"Those nominated for Weirdest Crossover are not nominated because the content is weird. The Weirdest Crossover award is handed to the writer who has, by concept alone, made us wonder 'Just what in the name of all things holy were they thinking when they came up with this one?' I leave it too you to determine the content. The nominees are:

**Molloy**'s _Until the End of the World_ – which crosses Kim Possible with Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow

Wade was more than a little disappointed. All of the W.E.E. systems he could hack into (which were, in fact, ALL of them) had absolutely nothing cooking about Kim and Ron. Even his trump card—the blog/forum website outside of W.E.E.'s internal server where agents secretly went to etantrum about Gemini's less than exemplary people management skills, proved devoid of anything remotely related or interesting.

On the positive side, his contact at the Allied Intelligence Archives had turned up something of interest concerning Tyrone Slothrop. Although official records still could not verify that Slothrop had been employed by ACHTUNG or had even been enlisted in the Army, the contact did dig up hard evidence that Slothrop had, in fact, been in London at the time of the V2 rocket attacks. A series of letters (okay, two) placed Slothrop in a hospital ward in December of 1944. Wade's contact IH'ed him that he would be faxing the letters over shortly.

As he swiveled in his chair to check on the fax, Wade's eye just happened to catch the monitor on his far right. It was still channeling the feed from the security camera on the San Narcisco University rooftop. Despite the blackness of the night and the long shadows cast by the security light positioned directly in front of the camera's line of sight, Wade caught some movement in the frame.

He cocked an eye at the monitor and, with a few quick keystrokes, maneuvered the camera so he could get a better look at the whateveritwas that was continuing to move in the shadows.

It lay hidden in the shadows of a utility door on the far right of the roof. A utility door that Wade, just at that second, realized had not been open earlier. As he attempted to lighten the image so he could "see past" these shadows, Wade began feeling the first onrush of anxiety. Please, don't be what I think you are.

As the screen lightened, he realized, to his chagrin, that once again he was correct.

"Shoot! Why am I always right?"

Wade immediately contacted the San Narcisco PD and, almost as instantly, tried to radio Kim.

**Acosta Perez Jose Ramiro**'s _The Missing Colors_ – which crosses Kim Possible with Rugrats.

"Doctor… oh, my!" Stu brightened as a kid in Christmas. "Doctor Possible? THE Doctor Possible?"

"Stu…"

"Sorry, Didi, but… this man is a genius! When NASA has a doubt, he's the one they call!"

"Well, I don't like showing off," James smiled slightly. "Are you somehow connected to the scientific community?"

"Actually, yes, I'm an inventor myself… nothing on your level, sir, of course. I design and invent toys, and once in a while domestic appliances, and animatronics for parks and special events."

"M… now I know where I heard your surname! You weren't the one who designed a robotic dinosaur that ran rampant at Paris like, ten years ago?"

"He did?" Ron, Kim, and Rufus (who popped his head out of Ron's pocket at that moment) gave Stu a puzzled look.

"Yes." The other adults and the threesome chorused as Stu blushed in embarrassment.

"It was something for a theme park, and, well, made it so easy to control a baby could do it."

"And we did." Chuckie said as he and Tommy chuckled nervously.

"Don't know what's so funny; you dumb babies almost dropped me from Eiffel Tower." Angelica frowned slightly at the boys.

Didi and Stu finally lead Ron and the Possibles to the living room, James finally noticing Lucy.

"Hey, Lucy, what're you doing here?" The scientific gave her a friendly smile.

"Hi, James… how is Ann and the twins?" Lucy chuckled nervously as her friends looked at her.

"They're fine, thanks for asking. Ann wanted to come, you know, for the medical and anatomical aspects of this, but she had a programmed surgery today, so it's just me here."

"Hold it!" Drew, Angelica's dad, addressed Lucy. "You two already knew each other?"

"Well, his wife is one of the country's best brain surgeons, and met her in a congress some time ago. I still see her once in a while when going to conferences and since sometimes James here goes with her…"

"So, you're basically saying you know the parents of a famous teen hero, and never told any of us?" Chaz asked her.

"Well, we're mainly professional acquaintances, nothing more."

"Uh, Doctor Carmichael, no offense, but that's as much as being Robin's classmate, and never visiting Wayne Manor." Chuckie pointed.

"Thanks for the comment, Captain Geek." Angelica rolled her eyes and then addressed Ron and Kim. "Don't let the name fool you; he's not really a captain."

"Are you sure your surname isn't Rockwaller?" Ron arched an eyebrow at the blond girl, who simply shrugged, obviously not understanding the question.

**AlexanderGodslayer**'s _Incurable_ – Kim Possible and House, MD.

Much his dismay, he had been given an order an order! by his sidekick, and as much as he wished to disobey, he knew he would regret it if he did. He was just near the exit when something, a cane, suddenly hit his knee making him misstep and almost fall to the floor.

"Still short tempered, Drew?" He heard his attacker saying.

Some encounters were just meant to occur, not by destiny, but by mere irony. This was the case.

"Who the!?" He started when he suddenly saw the person standing right beside him. It took him a second to recognize him, but when he did, indeed he was surprised "Greg!?"

Gregory House, a person whom Drakken, much like Chen, James and Ramesh, had never expected to see again, yet… it seemed like fate liked to disagree with him.

"Wow! Look at you, feeling blue?"

"Oh, how funny!"

"So… it's true what I heard? You finally became a mad scientist? Or are you still making sexy robots?"

"Seem like you haven't changed since college!"

"Nor do you"

The quick conversation because of the reunion of two old "friends" was suddenly interrupted by one thing one doctor was used to and the other had no idea about: A green blast that passed right between them and smashed against the first wall that was on its way, leaving a irregular black stain and some burning smell.

If it wasn't because there was no one here appropriated to listen the comment, House would have said something about Cuddy going to get really mad because of someone ruining the decoration.

"DRAKKEN!" A female voice screamed though the area, strong enough to make a child cry "WHATtheHELLareYOUlosingTIMEwith!?" Now, that's a woman. Greg though while whistling.

**Samurai Crunchbird**'s _So the Reality: Judge Judy_ - Kim Possible and, rather obviously, Judge Judy.

"Now…as for the rest of you in the 'courtroom' seating area, I realize the… uniqueness… of these proceedings will mean several changes to my usual courtroom style…

"First, I usually do not approve of kimonos or naked vermin in my courtroom. However, all of these appear to be allowed under the rules of Intergalactic Law.

"Second, it also allows for anyone in this 'courtroom' seating area to 'speak up' if they have something to add that is pertinent to the case. This is why all of you in this section had been sworn at the same time as the litigants of this case. However, be careful what you say. If your remarks do not have anything to do with the case, I am well within my rights under Intergalactic Law to have Petri vaporize you instantly! Do I make myself clear?"

Nods of approval swept through the 'courtroom' seating area, including the Lorwardians.

"Third," she said, glaring at Jim and Tim Possible, "I have that friend of yours, Wade, focusing extra cameras on the two of you…especially because of that lawsuit a while back when you knocked out the entire power grid west of the Rockies with those strings of 150 megawatt bulbs…so you two better behave yourselves!"

"Excuse me, your honor," one of the Lorwardians interjected, "but according to our research, such technology does not yet exist on this planet. Are you sure you don't mean 150 watt bulbs?"

The entire Earth delegation glared at the Lorwardian, as if to say, 'We wish she did mean that…we really wish she did!!'

Bailiff Petri Byrd pointed his gun and fired at the chair where the Lorwardian was seated. The chair took a direct hit from the gun's beam and quickly vanished. Without so much as saying a word, staff members from the arena replaced the chair as the judge scowled at the Lorwardian. "That," she barked, "is your final warning! If anybody else has something to say, it had better be about this case!"

**CaptainKodak1**'s _The Mythbusters meet Team Possible_ – Kim Possible and, again rather obviously, the Mythbusters

Ron took one step forward and his pants fell to pieces. His Fearless Ferret boxers were slightly singed. Adam and Jamie stood staring as Kari turned red. Grant and Tori could barely control their laughing. Kim stood in front of Ron.

"Ah, is there a place where Ron could change?"

Jamie pointed back to M5. "There's a clothes closet on the far wall and a changing room."

Kim stood in front of Ron as they retreated to the garage door. Ron slipped into M5 as Kim rejoined the group.

Jamie scratched at his beret.

"Is he just lucky or is he incredibly resilient?"

Kim just smiled and just waved her hand. "Oh that? That's no big. Ron has taken a worse beating by Shego and Monkeyfist and still was able do what he wanted."

Adam picked up one of the fire extinguishers.

"Well let's get back inside and make plans for the grapple thingee and let Tori and Grant make plans for the rocket car."

Kim joined the group around the table as they waited for Ron to join them. Kim heard Ron's footsteps as he approached.

"Did you get changed okay Ron?"

Kim turned to see Ron approaching wearing a pair of farmer's overalls.

"Sorry KP, I guess I forgot to put another pair of pants in our bags. But I found this neat pair of overalls hanging in a metal cabinet back there. They are a little stiff but there is a good pocket for Rufus."

Grant got a good look at Ron's pants.

"Everybody, back up! He's got on those fertilizer pants!"

Lxk fished out the envelope as he finished with the list the nominees. He now held it up in his right hand. The crowd had applauded each of the nominees, and now, all eyes were on him. "And the award for Weirdest Crossover goes to..." He slowly opened the envelope and gently removed the card. He looked at it and couldn't help but grin.

"It's a tie!" Lxk shouted. The eyes of the crowd seemed to be synchronized as they all widened at the statement, awaiting the next utterance.

"The winners are... Captainkodak1 and Samurai Crunchbird!"

The crowd cheered as the two winners got to their feet. An already acclaimed writer and a relative newcomer sharing the price seemed unusual. The two men walked towards the stage, shaking hands and receiving congratulations from others. Finally, they reached the stage, where lxk welcomed them with a handshake and an awkward straight guy hug. The Samurai gestured to the Captain to take the podium first as the same time as the Captain did the same in return, but neither of them had a chance to step forward before lxk stepped back to the podium.

"Ehh... due to the bylaws and uhh... general... feel of this award... And I do realize this seems a bit strange... Captain, you will deliver Samurai's acceptance speech and, uhm... vice versa."

The Captain and Samurai stared at lxk, then at each other. "Deliver the what for whom?" one demanded.

"Just... go with it", lxk muttered as he backed away from the microphone. This time, Samurai Crunchbird managed to gesture to the Captain first. CaptainK sighed, took a breath and stepped up.

"Ehh... I guess... I want to thank.. my friends and, uh, my family... I don't know them, but... Eh, anyway... I also want to thank all those who read and reviewed _So the Reality_, all of its different parts... Those were the ones like _The Amazing Race_ and the other stuff, right?" He looked over to the Samurai, who nodded with a sort of "Yeah, that sounds good enough" expression on his face. He hastily scribbled note for CaptainK, who consulted it and looked back at the audience.

"Uhh... I want to mention... lxk especially here... along with cajunbear73, Darkon Shadows, karenstern05, Ran Hakubi, JAKT, Captain IT and Comet Moon. Again, thank you for reviewing, thank you for this award and uh... " CaptainK looked at the paper again. "Review me, email me if you wanna reach me! If you want to 'PM' me, that's ok!" The Captain stepped away to the roars of applause. He stepped over and shook the Samurai's hand. Samurai grinned as he stepped up to the podium to accept the award for Captain. He bit his lip, but since the Captain had managed to transfer his notes in the handshake, he wasn't too nervous.

"Well... I also would like to thank my friends and family... Especially my wife and children for their support and love." The Captain smiled. "Thanks guys, I love you", he mouthed along as Samurai spoke.

"To mention all those who eh... reviewed or read... eh... this and my other stories... eh..." Samurai flipped the piece of paper around. Son of a Sooner! The notes were not written out in sentences, just phrases to jog the Captain's memory. But they didn't help Samurai's memory. _"Well, I am the Crunchbird, time to wing it,"_ he thought. The Samurai looked out into the crowd once more and said, "One other thing... CaptainK and I have been working with **Snapbang** on _When Heroes Fall._ It's rated 'T', but well worth it."

A groan erupted form the crowd with mutters of 'What? More self promotion?' and 'Didn't we hear enough of that already?'

Samurai smiled and countered, "Hey, it's better than telling you to spay and neuter your pets...AGAIN!"

While everyone in the room nodded in agreement, he turned to the Captain, who shrugged. "Do I say 'right hand salute' or do I do an actual one?" He mumbled.

The Captain grinned, "Do whatever you feel like, man", he whispered. Samurai turned and did a sharp salute to the audience, then turned and did another one directly to CaptainK. As the winners walked off stage, the audience cheered for them.

Lxk gave the recipients of the Spiny Normans a minute to return to their seats. "Finally," he sighed, "time to empty that vodka bottle." He turned and stumbled into the hole on the stage and disappeared from view.


	12. A Man's Got a Heart, Hasn't He?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by Cpneb with little editing by KiY. Not sure if that reflects the quality of the writing or fact it arrived late.

Title is from the first line of, 'I'm Reviewing the Situation', from the musical _Oliver_.

**Chapter 12 - ** **A Man's Got a Heart, Hasn't He?**

"Well, looks like we'll get out in time for the Fannies," KiY told Cpneb. "Yours was the last presentation to arrive."

The two walked to the front of the theater together. "That's good. But you gave me an obscure title," Cpneb groused. "That was the best you could do?"

"Sorry," KiY apologized. "But it was short notice. At first I tried three different things from the Hitchhiker's Guide. They all sounded like I was making fun of you, or the reviewers."

"You've stooped to some cheap shots already in this ceremony."

"Yeah, but we all know how important reviewers are to the writing process. And I sure as heck didn't want to tick off any good ones. So this one seemed like a good fit for both you and the award."

As they reached the stage KiY realized Cpneb was another man who needed no introduction and returned to his seat.

Cpneb walked onto the stage in a _**Blaze**_**IT!** _**Search and Rescue**_ MeeZod shirt and a pair of slacks.

"A bit of a history lesson, if you will," he began, dodging the tomatoes tossed from the audience.

"Back in the day when the Mouse was only broadcast once a week in 'black and white,'" he looked at Star and grinned: "No offense."

"None taken," Star laughed.

"Back then, the Definition of Hell for a writer was to be locked in a room with a group of reviewers and have no way out. A well-known writer even suggested in one of his stories that Hell, for reviewers, would be in a room with typewriters and no ribbon; others added the idea of phones with no connections, and writers who ignored them.

"Today, the instant world of FanFiction doesn't allow that to happen: writers can get feedback as fast as readers can read it. It takes a good reader to become a reviewer, and it takes a special kind of individual to become a reviewer who writers look forward to reading.

"Tonight's winners are those kinds of reviewers. One reviewer, who will be awarded a Fonnie, is not here tonight due to my own error, and I apologize publicly to him for not contacting him soon enough to have him attend this auspicious event. However, CajunBear73, along with the winners here tonight, are the kinds of reviewers that writers want to have read their stories: A multiple set of opinions, with no holds barred, comes from the pens and keys of all four of these wonderful individuals.

"Tonight's winners of the Fonnie for Best Reviewer are the Father/Daughter writing team of **JAKT**, **Star-Eva01**, and **CajunBear73**. They have taken different paths, but they have all arrived at the same destination. Reviewers that you want to read and review your work.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you JA, KT, and Star-Eva01.

JA and KT approach the podium dressed in matching twin radiation suits and full personal protection equipment, followed by Star with a super-sized bottle of Windex that he sprayed every few steps. As they looked out over the audience everyone was surrounded by a faint glow which was increasing in intensity based on how much RC cola or beer they had consumed. Radiation exposure, after all, was an equal opportunity experience. JA spoke through his respirator sounding like Darth Vader having a bad allergy day.

"KT, we have exactly three minutes after removing the respirators before the toxic air starts affecting us. You go girl."

KT removed her respirator and began just as Star pulled the trigger on the Windex again leaving JA, KT, and himself in a light chemical cloud

"Thank you all on this suspicious occasion. We appreciate your votes for blessing us with this shared award for Best Reviewer with apprehension, fear and disdain in that we'll now both have to live up to everyone's expectations from here on out. Mother told me 'there'd be days like this,' so just remember: I don't just get even, and taking prisoners is not an option.

"That said and out of the way, giving reviews is much like being on the Starship Enterprise with the self-destruct sequence activated. You have the option to override within five minutes; unfortunately you are reading a book on learning how to juggle in six minutes and once you hit the commit button…well the phrase 'dust in the wind' comes to mind. It is definitely a no-win-scenario for us giving the reviews."

As she paused to take a breath, Star again pulled the trigger on the Windex and let loose another cloud. Both JA and KT just looked at him for a moment longer, and then KT continued.

"In many ways, the work of a reviewer is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and themselves to our judgment. We have the power of flaming those 'poor, unfortunate souls' and yet, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating their story so.

"But you have to feel for us too, as we are beset by the English language influencing our reviews of these stories and here are a few examples of those challenges:

"1. The bandage on Ron's arm was wound around the wound.

"2. Drakken's plot to produce produce was in jeopardy.

"3. The Middleton dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

"4. Prof. Dementor had to polish his Mom's Polish furniture.

"5. Ron could lead if he would get the lead out.

"6. Dr. Director decided to desert her dessert in the desert.

"7. Since there is no time like the present, Kim thought it was time to present the present.

"8. Shego did not object to the object.

"9. Team Possible was too close to the door to close it.

"10. Upon seeing the tear in Kim's mission outfit, Monique shed a tear.

"11. Cpneb's quandary. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

"Let's face it – reviewing KP, or any Fanfiction story, is just plain crazy when one tries to do the translation into pure human thought."

As she paused to take another breath, Star pulled the trigger on the Windex and, once again, another chemical cloud surrounded them. Both JA and KT looked at him, giving him the "evil eye" before KT continued.

"You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a written story in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on. Reviewing a story written in the English language which was invented by people, not computers (take that, Microsoft Word and Spell Check), reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).

"That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

"IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS WRITING FANFICTION, PITY THEM AND PITY THE REVIEWER WHO HAS TO DO THE TRANSLATION!"

Again thank you for the award. It's your turn, Dad."

JA smiled and replied, "What she said."

Both JA and KT stepped back to allow Star to step forward. Pulling the trigger on the bottle of Windex once again, he moved thru the faint blue chemical cloud to stand at the podium. Taking great care, Star placed the bottle down on the podium and removed a small device from inside his leather vest. Placing the device on the top of the bottle he carefully pressed a small button on the device and then looked out on the audience.

Adjusting his glasses, Star turned to JA and KT, giving the Father/Daughter Team a bow before again facing the crowd.

"First I would like to say it is an honor to share this award with FanFiction's own Father/Daughter Wonder Team-" _"Powers, Activate!"_ he thought. "-and CAjunBear73. They have all given me a lot to laugh at over this past year and just as much to think over too. Plus, you can never tell with any of them just when you might make a "Guest Appearance" in one of their stories. I had more laughs and fun beta'ing 'Open Season' for JAKT then I'd had in some time."

Pausing for just a second, Star and both halves of JAKT watched the Windex bottle spray a cloud out on its own.

"Dad," KT asked her father, "just what is he doing with that stuff?"

JA just shook his head as Star continued. He could not understand why Star was not affected by the Radiation exposure. After all, Star just had on a pair of jeans, what looked to like a pair of biker boots, and a tee-shirt under his vest.

"My companions here asked, a little while back, on the forum just what makes a good review. Some reviews here are just a simple "Good Job" or a "Well Done". And those are fine. Some times it takes the form of quoting parts of the story back to the writer: And yes, 'Nebster, I'm talking about you."

Everyone looked over at 'Neb to see his reaction, but he was deep into making a second sandwich board that had the words '_**Never a dull moment in the Hallway**_' and '_**Watch the Seasons change**_' on it. Neb just smiled back at the three standing there and went back to work.

Just as Star started back up, the bottle of Windex let go another cloud of spray.

"However, if someone takes a little time to get to know the writer, you can have some really good fun with coming up with a review. For my companions here, letting them know what parts got me to laugh, cry, or just plain made me smile is a good start; and, for the lovely kt, a poem or two."

KT blushed under her mask, and was glad that her dad could not see.

After another spray of Windex, Star moved on.

"And for the 'review junkie' 'Neb: when he feeds me such wonder stuff it's like the ladies trying to pass up Sato's PFP, I have to do something that is geared to make him laugh. And when he tells me that the review is longer then the chapter, I know I have hit the mark. Or when he tells me that he can't believe that he made up a new character just for the review Thanks for thinking of me for this."

And with that, Star removed the device from the bottle, placed it back into his pocket, picked up the bottle of grape-scented Windex, and sprayed JA and KT with it.

"By the way, you two: thanks for the warning about this place. Thank goodness that I remembered that Windex is good for everything."

JA, KT, Star, and Cpneb all left the stage in a cloud of grape-scented Windex.

KiY sighed, time to call on Mike Industries for the closing toast… And then he noticed Alex in the back, waving a script.


	13. To Be Continued

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by A Markov with even less editing by KiY.

**Chapter 13 - To Be Continued**

"Where have you been," KiY hissed at A Markov. "You were here in chapter three, and I haven't seen you since."

"I, uh, had something I needed to do," Alex explained.

KiY sniffed. "Have you been drinking?"

"Not enough that anyone will notice."

"Unless they happen to smell your breath."

"Do you want me to give an award or not?"

"Yes, of course! But I may not have time to edit."

"I can wrok without a net," Alex assured him.

"That's work… Oh, go up and give your award."

Alex walked nervously out onto the stage. He was a tall thin man with thick salt and pepper hair mostly pulled back into a short pony-tail. He shuffled nervously to the center of the stage and glanced around the poorly lit auditorium. "…hem." He glanced back the way he had come while gingerly patting the various pockets on his over-sized green jacket. The action put many of the audience members in mind of a young Peter Falk, or rather it would have reminded them of a young Peter Falk if any of them had ever seen Peter Falk when he was young. In fact, only four of the attendees even got the reference and all of them had been nominated in the "Writer over 45 who most shows their age by putting excessive references to '70s pop culture in their stories." King in Yellow, the only person there who had actually seen a young Peter Falk, was busy fighting off another attack by mutant spiders and missed the entire thing.

Alex cleared his throat once more. "…hem… I'm a little nervous… I'm not used to talking in front of so many people…"

"There's only twenty of us, ya great southern poofter!"

"I hope you don't mind if I give myself a little liquid courage…" He went on, ignoring the interruption and pulling a small flask from one of his many pockets. "Just a little sip to calm my nerves…" with that, he up-ended the flask and emptied the contents into his gullet with a smooth easy gesture. _**-cough-**_ His eyes crossed slightly and he rocked backward for a second before shaking his head and looking out over the audience. "Where was I?"

"You haven't even started yet!"

"Right… I'm here to present the Fonnie for the best unfinished story that hasn't been updated in a long time. There are many reasons why writers abandon a story. Sometimes there is a computer software crisis and all of the notes and outlines and plot points get lost into the void of unretrievable data. Sometimes, there is a family crisis that takes away all of one's writing time and when the author gets back to it, they find they no longer have the inspiration to continue that particular plot. And sometimes, they find out how hard it is to write in a particular style or to come up with a fresh idea involving six people stuck on an island and give up because they're too darn lazy to finish it up. I'm sure that all of the authors in this category fall into one of the first two situations…

"So, while I top off my flask, let's take a look at the nominees… First up…

**Deathsheadx**'s _Emerald Rogue._

_Pain._

_indescribable pain._

_that's what Shego was feeling as the electricity coursed through her body._

_She wanted it to stop._

_But it went on..._

_But there was something else... a different kind of pain she couldn't understand... and then..._

_And then her heart stopped._

_And suddenly Shego remembered._

_And her heart started to beat again with renewed purpose._

_As she was thrown in the back of the armoured transport Shego opened her eyes and looked around..._

_"My beautiful planssssss!" cried Drakken, "ruined! Totally ruined! Shego are you listening to me?"_

_"No," said Shego "I wasn't, I was too busy remembering... oh Bet..." she started to laugh a strange laugh. It wasn't her usual laugh this was something colder... there was a sense malice in the laugh_

_"Shego?" said doctor Drakken._

_Shego turned and looked at doctor Drakken and doctor Drakken nearly peed himself_

_Oh he'd done it before, Shego always scared him but what he saw in those eyes chilled him to the very core of his being this wasn't rage, it wasn't the threat of pain..._

_This..._

_This was a promise..._

_A promise of annihilation_

_"You're not going to kill me are you Shego?"_

_" I should, it would make up for the crap you've put me through for the last 3 years... but no… I have bigger fish to fry..."_

As the stage lights came up, Alex's flask went down and he walked a little unsteadily back to center stage. "Thanks for leaving us all in the lurch on that one Deathsheadx. Up next is a crossover that everyone wants to see finished, even though it never really got started. I give you, **MrDrP**'s _Stoppable's Island_.

"_Stoppable," Barkin called out as he headed towards Ron. "Let's get ready to shove off!"_

_Ron shook himself from his reverie. "Uh, I think we're still expecting one more passenger," he observed. "Shouldn't we wait?"_

"_This isn't some fancy-pants cruise line," Barkin said as he now stood nose to nose with his first mate. "This boat is leaving on time!"_

"_Gotcha," Ron said as he slowly backed away from his bellicose skipper. The young man barely avoided tripping over his own feet, then undid the lines fastening the boat to its slip. He signaled to Barkin, who engaged the motor vessel's engine. The Minnow was beginning to pull away from its berth when an auburn-haired, pony-tailed, green-eyed young woman wearing capris and a sleeveless blouse that, with a nicely-turned knot, she'd turned into a crop top, came racing up the gangway. Ron felt bad for her; she'd just missed the cruise by minutes._

_He shrugged and offered a sympathetic look as he saw the disappointment on the would-be passenger's pretty face. He watched with curiosity as she took a few steps back and her face became a study in fierce determination. Ron was stunned as she bounded forward, then launched herself into a triple somersault. He couldn't help but stare slack-jawed as she landed gracefully on the deck of the Minnow._

"_Badical!" he exclaimed. "That stadium rocked!"_

"_Well, that move did help win the cheer regionals a few years ago," the final passenger said as she brushed aside her bangs and tried not to blush from the compliment._

"_I'm Ron Stoppable," he said, feeling wholly at ease with the young woman. "I'm the first mate."_

"_Nice to meet you, Ron," she replied with an open, friendly expression, as she, too, felt surprisingly at ease with her new acquaintance. "I'm Kim, Kim Possible."_

"_Well, welcome –"_

"_Stoppable! Stop goofing off and get to work! This boat won't sail itself!"_

"_I'm on it, Skipper," Ron called up to the bridge. "The Skipper's lost without the Ronman," he said, his chest puffed-out. Ron then turned to go – and his trousers fell down. "Awww man!" he whined. "This cannot be happening!" Ron exclaimed as he realized everyone, save Barkin who had witnessed this before and was merely rolling his eyes, was gawking at him._

_Kim stopped staring, stifled a giggle, then offered Ron a warm, reassuring smile as she headed aft to join the other passengers._

_III._

_Her passengers aboard, her crew alert, the Minnow motored out of the tropic port and began her fateful trip._

_TBC …_

This time when the stage lights came up, Alex could be seen hitting the flask once more. He was definitely wobbling when he walked out to center stage this time and his words were delivered in the slow, deliberate manner of someone trying to pretend they weren't drunk. "And finally… Hobnob… I mean Humbug… Not like 'bah! Humbug' …or maybe it is like that… I never really thought about it like that… anyway… **Humbug**'s _Stubborn Beast Flesh_.

_Kim kicked off from her perch at the same moment that Shego felt the breath driven from her body. Something had grabbed her around the waist and was holding her like a vice. She was dragged forward by the weight of Kim's body, Shego desperately holding onto her Princess with both hands, causing her torso to rest painfully against the rim of the stack._

"_Kim, wait… I can't…"_

"_Shego, come on!" Kim looked up at her wife in confusion as she dangled in space, one tiny hand in Shego's strong grip as her other hand gestured downwards at the maelstrom below. "There's no other way!"_

"_Something has me!" She could feel the force pulling her back, tugging her away from her angel and the taking away from her the choice that they had made together. She looked down at herself and saw the gunmetal blue of the arm, not knowing what it was._

_Whether it was an attempt to free her mate or to leave her behind was uncertain; Kim lifted her other hand to take hold of Shego's wrists and then lifted her legs to plant her feet against the side of the vertical stack. Shego felt her pulling._

"_Kim, don't do this!" She had to get herself loose._

"_It's the only way."_

"_Don't leave me alone! I want to be with you!" If she could just free her hands, maybe even just one, she might be able to melt away the offending coils holding her back from oblivion, but Kim had Shego's hands in a death grip. She looked back down at the younger girl and noticed that the remnants of Kim's clothing were starting to burn from the ever-rising flames._

"_Kim, please… please, baby… baby you're on fire!"_

"_Goodbye, Shego."_

"_No!"_

_Kim just smiled up at her and then she let go, dropping from sight and lost amid the fire and smoke._

"… _not without me…"_

_Shego knew no more._

Alex moved toward center stage like a dead leaf caught in a small dervish before eventually coming to a stop facing the crowd. "And the winner is…" He flourished an envelope. "And the winner is…" He peered dumbfoundedly at the paper in front of him. "This can't be right…" he slurred. "There's nothing here…"

"We were running a little behind counting the ballots! I didn't even have time to edit that misuse of dervish," KiY hissed from off stage. "The final results are still out in the car…"

Alex finished off his flask and headed off stage. "I'll go get 'em…"

The stage remained empty for several minutes. A cough from the audience managed to echo through the musty theater and urgent whispering could be heard coming from several parts of the theater.

Cpneb leaned over to MrDrP and said, "I don't think you should be too worried about not finishing writing that story. No one's ever going to finish reading it either." Unfortunately, he was seated near a conch shaped cornice and his voice carried through the theater like a bullhorn in a chime shop. After he finished he looked around for the writer of this segment with murder in his eyes.

_"That's not the kind of thing I'd say."_ He thought. But the writer just pointed at KiY and mouthed the words 'He started it.' KiY didn't notice though, he was too busy looking for Alex.

There had already been three paragraphs of dead time and even though they were pretty short, the crowd was getting restless. "I don't think he's coming back. Who's supposed to be presenting next?" KiY hissed at Mr Wizard, who had not planned on attending the Fonnies, and felt terribly surprised to have been called in for the guest shot because KiY had given him a preview of the ceremony earlier in the day. KiY tried to be quiet, but he was facing another one of those conch shaped cornices that the theater's interior decorator happened to like almost as much as the author of this segment and his voice carried throughout the entire auditorium where the attendees reacted as one by peering down into their laps at their programs. An exercise that proved futile because of the poor lighting in the room. Even had the light been sufficient to read by, the action would have done them no good. There hadn't been enough money in the budget to print actual programs, so KiY had lifted a bunch of self-help brochures from the courthouse where his wife worked and handed them out to the unsuspecting patrons of the night's event. The good news was that if any of them happened to be pregnant, there was a toll-free telephone number they could call to get state-funded birth control.

After four paragraphs of nervous waiting, they realized that A Markov was supposed to present the next award also. After a brief search through the dumpsters, they found him and pushed the drunken bum out on stage. Alex staggered out from stage right and tripped over a footlight. (Don't tell me there aren't any effing footlights, I bloody well just tripped over one!) His short pony tail had transformed into a shocking halo of gray hair and his beard was now tangled with various pieces of deitritus. He stumbled around and eventually came to a stop facing away from the audience at what might have been a heavy velvet curtain at some point in the distant past but now closely resembled an aging lace tea cozy… a really big aging lace tea cozy through which you could see several more of the ubiquitous conch shaped cornices.


	14. A Senior Moment

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Written by A Markov. KiY denies editing any speeches before the end.

**Chapter 14 - A Senior Moment**

"Where the heck is everybody?" Alex slurred.

"Turn around, you drunken moron!" The helpful stage direction came from a frustrated KiY.

Alex looked around in confusion and finally got his bearings. Whereupon he staggered over to center stage and peered around in confusion. "Where's my telethinger?"

"We don't have any Teleprompters!" KiY was sounding a little put out now. "You were supposed to prepare a speech!"

"Right! I got it here somewhere." He fumbled through his over-sized Vietnam era army jacket. "Here it is!" He cleared his throat several times before reading.

"First. Of. All. I. Probably. Should. Thank. King. In. Yellow. For. Letting. Me. Play. In. the. Best. Enemies. Kimiverse. But. Since. All. The. Funniest. Parts. Got. Rejected. Due. To. Quote. Unquote. Plot. Conflicts. I'm. Not. Going. To."

In front of the stage looks were exchanged, and the sinking feeling that KiY had in his stomach when he first watched Alex stagger out onto the stage had finally reached his feet. "Oh, god!" The aging scholar moaned. "That's his acceptance speech for the Fannie he didn't win LAST year!"

"Honestly. When. I. Saw. The. Other. Two. Authors. Nominated. In. this. Category. I. Figured. There'd. Be. No. Way. I. Would. Be. Up. Here. So. I. Didn't. Prepare. anything. MrDrP. Is. On. My. List. Of. Favorite. Writers. And. Matt. B. Thirty… seventy… something…" He finally noticed the hissing sound. "What?" Alex looked around again. "What"

"Wrong speech!"

"What?"

"You're supposed to be presenting the award for the writer over 45 who is most clearly showing his or her age."

"That's a stupid award. Nobody that old watches Kim Possible. And even if they did, they wouldn't be into it enough to write about it."

"Don't worry about that now, man. Just read the list of nominees and get on with the presentation!"

"Fine, just let me find the envelope…" He began to go through his pockets once more, eventually pulling out a crumpled envelope. "You. May. Already. Be. A. Winner…" He raised the envelope for the audience, "Check me out! I won!"

"Wrong envelope!"

"Oh snap!" He shoved the envelope back into a pocket and pulled out another slightly less crumpled envelope from somewhere else.

"And the writer over 45 who is most clearly showing their age is…"

"NOT LIKE THAT! YOU NEED TO LIST THE NOMINEES FIRST!"

"Fine, Keep your pants on. The nominees for the stupidest category with the longest name in the entire show are… **King in Yellow**! For sending modern day college kids to a Rolling Stones concert. Really, Couldn't you have googled "Top 40" and picked a name off the list? Would it have killed you to watch a commercial on the Disney channel? Half of them are pushing some lame-o boy band no one's ever heard of… What…?" Alex peered unsteadily into the darkness of stage right. "Talk into one of those conch shaped cornices, I can't hear you..." He said pointing to his nose.

"Just get on with the nominees and keep your editorial comments to yourself." KiY's frustrated voice wafted out over the audience.

"Riiight… The nominees are… King in Yellow! For sending modern day college kids to… Didn't I already say this…? Right… Next… **JA **of** JAKT**! I don't want to say he's old, but when he was a kid he didn't play "Cowboys and Indians," he played "Lions and Christians"… Then we have **Captain IT** who claims to have all of his own teeth, (even if they're in a jar next to his bed) but has been seen asking for the senior's discount at Applebees and a little bird tells me he keeps a gallon of "Just for Men" under his bathroom sink. And finally, **Campy**… Who remembers watching I Love Lucy in its first run, still laughs every time someone mentions George McGovern and can't even remember what we're doing here tonight.

"Let's give the codgers a round of applause while they look for their Alzheimer's pills and take their afternoon naps…" On the left side of the theater Whitem pulled a small cage out of his pocket and let the crickets chirp for a few minutes while Alex nervously shuffled his feet on stage. Since Whitem was sitting next to a conch shaped cornice, the sound of crickets carried quite well through the auditorium.

"Whatever!" Alex slurred and opened the envelope. "And the winner is… **KT**!" Congratulations! KT! Come on up here and get your thingy! …What Now?"

"KT is, like, the youngest writer in the entire fandom!" KiY yelled from the sidelines. "This is supposed to be my award!"

"I musta' got the wrong envelope again." Alex muttered and started patting his pockets once more. "YES!" He shouted joyfully! "Here it is!"

"You found the right envelope?"

"Nope! I found my flask!" With that he took a long pull from his hip flask and staggered off stage the way he had come leaving a bottle of iron supplements and a walker under the lonely spot light.

Somewhere in the balcony an old style film projector came to life and images began flickering on the moldy curtain…

JA stood smiling inside his study, his fingers nimbly typing making a rhythmic tune as he completed another joint JAKT story. Standing in the doorway a rather precocious twelve year old watched intently.

"Waiting for you I was," he nodded.

He motioned KT to sit in a chair beside him. His youngest daughter struck by how much more tired than usual her Dad's manner seemed-a tremor to the hand, a weakness to the voice. It made her afraid to speak, to betray her shock at her old Dad's condition.

"That face you make," JA crinkled his tired brow cheerfully. "Look I so bad to young eyes?"

She tried to conceal her woeful countenance, shifting her position in the chair. "No, Dad…of course not...but I've seen three day old road kill that's looked better."

JA rolled his eyes. "I know I do, yes I know!" her old man chuckled gleefully. "Tired I've become. Yes, Old and weak." He pointed his scarred left finger at her. "When 'mumble' years old you reach, look as good you will not."

JA got up and moved to the small sofa, still chuckling and, with great effort lay down. "Soon will I rest. Yes, sleep for a few hours. Earned it, I have."

KT shook her head. "You can't sleep here Dad, I won't let you."

"Trained well, and strong with the Fanfiction writing skills are you-but not that strong! Twilight is upon me, and soon night must fall. That is the way of working two jobs…the way of writing Fanfiction."

"But I need your help," KT insisted. "I want to complete my next solo story tonight." The great rocket scientist turned environmental engineer couldn't sleep now-there was too much, still, to do. And she'd taken so much from him already, and as yet given back very little in her book. She had much she wanted to talk to her Dad about tonight.

"No more writing tonight do you require," JA assured her. "Already know you that which you need to finish your story."

"Then I am a full fledged FF Writer?" KT pressed. No. She knew she was not quite. Something still lacked.

JA wrinkled up his wizened features. "Not yet. One thing remains. KiY…KiY you must confront. Then, only then, a full fledged FF Writer you'll be. And confront him you will, sooner or later."

KT knew this would be her test, it could not be otherwise. Every story she had written had its focus, and KiY was inextricably at the core of KT's inner writing struggle. It was agonizing for her at twelve to put the question to words; but after a long silence, she again spoke to her old man. "Dad-is KiY my…?"

JA's eyes filled with a weary compassion. His daughter was not yet a woman complete. A sad smile creased his face, he seemed to almost grow smaller on the sofa. "A rest I need. Yes. A rest."

KT stared at her dwindling father's eyes, trying to give him the strength, just by her sheer will of her love and will. "Dad, I must know," she whispered.

"Cpneb's twin brother he is," Ja said simply.

KT closed her eyes, her mouth, her heart, to keep away the truth of what she knew was true.

"Then he's also my other adopted godfather," she replied.

"Unexpected this is, and unfortunate."

"Unfortunate that I know the truth?"

"Unfortunate that you rush to face him-that incomplete your training is…that not ready for the burden were you. Cpneb would have told you long ago, had I let him…now a great weakness you carry. Fear for you I do. Fear for you, yes."

"Dad, I'm sorry." KT trembled to see the potent writer so tired.

"I know, but face KiY you must and sorry will not help. Remember, a FF Writer's strength flows from plot bunnies. Easily they multiply, quick to join you in inspiring a story. But beware for once they start nibbling on you down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Pass on what you have learned. There… is…another…"

JA caught his breath, and exhaled, his eyes closing like the setting of the sun. His body shivered once; and he fell asleep.

KT got a blanket and covered her sleeping father. "So last of the twelve year old writer's I have become."

JA smiled under the blanket and said to himself, "When you're this old certain liberties are privileges with your kids."

When the few lights that worked came up, KT could be seen at her table next to a decrepit puppet. She was white as a sheet but regained her composure faster than a gouda cheese infusion into Rufus and ran on stage with a youthful vigor that only served to further underscore her unworthiness of the award.

"I'm speechless. I won the 'over 45 award.' There is just something so sick and wrong here. However, I'm not going to argue he point. Heaven only knows how I was nominated, let alone took the vote."

She stared at the bottle of iron supplements and walker in unbelief and was grateful that the supplements were not a bottle of liquid Geritol that her Dad had told her about. She recalled the old story about how he and his brother got a little tipsy at her age when they tied out a whole bottle. It was not a pleasant event going down or coming back up.

As for the walker, we'll at least she and 'neb could now have a grocery store race for that package of melt in the mouth dark chocolate they both liked and be on equal terms. However a wicked grin formed on her lips. Perhaps KiY…no the thought was just too evil.

"Well everyone, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. An award is an award. But know I'm going to look back fondly at this years from now when all of you are dead and buried and finally have the last laugh."

"BOO-YAH!"

As the exuberant adolescent exited the stage, Ghostwhiter nudged KiY, "Did you have anything to do with that chapter?"

With vacant eyes KiY turned to him, saliva drooling from the corner of his mouth, "The horror!" he mumbled, "The horror!"

"I'm going to take that as a no."

In another part of the theater MrDrP turned to Cpneb. "We still don't know who got the Fonnie for the unfinished story," he complained.

'Neb smiled and said, "Fitting though, don't you think?"


	15. And Superheroes Come to Feast

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Mike Industries wrote the closing toast. KiY edited, and added the anti-climax to fulfill the needs of his OCD.

The title is taken from a song in _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._

**Chapter 15 - ****And Super Heroes Come to Feast**

KiY gestured for Mike Industries to come forward. MI slowly approached the stage in the front of theater. People were anxious to leave. While the show had gone off better than anyone had anticipated, no doubt benefiting from low expectations, it was time to head out for the real award show, the Fannies.

"What does this chapter title mean?" MI asked as he joined KiY.

"Line from a song in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ever gone to a screening?"

"No."

"Good." KiY addressed the crowed. "MI will close us today, with a tribute to the man really responsible for this mess. And thankfully it isn't me. No, we should really blame this on… You all know who." He went back to his seat.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, for those who are able, please stand. I want to propose a toast." Everyone, except Ran Hakubi, stood up in the crowd and began throwing toast at MI.

"Why are we doing this?" KT asked her dad.

"Obscure cult movie reference," JA told her.

"Well, so long as there's a good reason."

When the barrage finished MI glared at them, "This is a serious moment in the script! Ran, what are you doing?"

"Sorry Mikey, I brought my 360 along, and during the off moments, I was playing Dead Rising. I guess I got too engrossed."

"Shut it off and stand up! Please Ran?"

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch. Just let me save my game first."

The crowd remained silent as they waited for Ran. Mike was getting impatient, so he decided to proceed with the toast.

"We're all hoping the Fannies will start tonight. And we need to clear out of here… How many of you think we'll really get the Fannies tonight?" He counted hands. "How many think we won't get the Fannies tonight." He counted hands again. He grinned at his fellow writers, "We're a bunch of optimists. Anyway, this part of the show is to give praise to a man who knows no boundaries, except maybe a U.S. border. He has done so much for us all, and what we are giving him back tonight is a little token of our appreciation. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about none other than the creator of the Fannie Awards, and the man who ignited the talks for an invasion of Canada, Zaratan.

"Many understand the pressure he has, running the Fannies and keeping them fair and balanced. It's safe to say when he counting the ballots, he checks them twice. He also, is a human, much to the shock of many people. He has run into personal problems left and right setting up this year's Fannies. We, as a community, stood by him, with the hope of giving him the strength to push forward.

"So tonight, for this small moment, we honor the man who gave us the Fannies, who gave us the Kim Possible Discussion Forum, who got me hooked on reading Ron/Bonnie fanfiction. Tonight we honor Zaratan by raising up our glasses and bottles in the air."

Everyone in attendance, including Ran Hakubi, who had finally saved his game, raised their drink in the air.

"To Zaratan!" Mike shouted.

"To Zaratan!" Everyone repeated and took a swig of their drink. However, something unexpected happened, everyone began spitting out their drinks. Something was not right.

"Alright, who replaced all of our drinks with grape juice?" Mike asked as he scanned the audience, then he noticed one man who was smiling brightly. "Nebster, why?"

"Because," Cpneb began, "I didn't want everyone here getting tipsy, so I replaced it with something that wouldn't make you drunk."

"I had Mountain Dew!" Mike shouted at his adopted older brother.

Cpneb glanced at his wrist, "Well, look at the time. You really need to wrap this all up, Mikey."

Mike sighed, "Yes I suppose. That isn't my job though, that would happen to belong to King in Yellow!"

"Don't let me hold you back," KiY called, "You got to get to the Fannies."

Almost as one the group raced to the back of the theater and left via the front door.

Cpneb lingered, "You coming?"

"Nah, I got to clean up here. I've got an OC there for me."

"You pulled it off pretty well, the lack of editing showed in a few chapters though."

"These guys write fanfiction. I didn't think some of them would need so much editing!"

"Want to name names?"

"No, better not. Hey, this was almost a good idea."

"Yeah, but next time don't let anyone give an award in a category they have a nomination in."

"Several honest people here today," KiY pointed out. "And there'll be no next time. Zaratan won't go missing next year." He made a fist and tapped his own head twice, "Knock on wood."

"You should think about it."

"Tell you what, 'Neb. You can emcee next year."

"You're right, it won't happen again."

They shook hands and 'Neb headed for the Fannies.

As he gathered rubbish the Succubus came out from the back, "Hi, Sailor, new in town?"

"No thanks, happily married."

"Doesn't stop a lot of men."

"Machiavelli said a Prince should be both loved and feared - that we will betray those we love before those we fear--"

The Succubus yawned, "You're really boring."

"Yeah. Hey, if you don't mind, what's a succubus doing here?"

"About a century ago this used to be a vaudeville theatre. I was a headliner on the circuit in the twenties… Lot of life in this town back then. Did I hear you've no interest in using the theater again?"

"Sorry, no. You should have left with the crowd. There'll be a fancy ceremony starting soon."

"How are you planning to end this?"

"Originally the whole theater would collapse seconds after we all escaped. Then I was going to quote the end of Edgar Allan Poe's _The Fall of the House of Usher_ as we looked at the crumbling ruin."

"I appreciate you not knocking the place down."

"Yeah, well it seemed kind of a waste. Besides, most of the kids wouldn't recognize the Poe and I'd need to memorize the end of _The Fall of the House of Usher_. So I'll just sweep up the toast and lock up."

"An anti-climax? Well, it seems fitting."

"Thanks," KiY responded coolly.

"You're welcome. Say, I don't supposed you have roles for me in up-coming stories? I do a great other woman, jilted lover, or object of a passionate affair - but I'll accept character parts."

"I'm really--"

"Here, take my card, just in case."

KiY tried to remember a line about demon lovers from Coleridge's Xanadu, but wasn't sure if he remembered the quote well enough to leave a good impression. Besides, his grandmother had told him to never speak to demons. He returned to sweeping up toast.

--The End--


End file.
